Attitudes affect actions. If you have a pessimistic, defeatist attitude, it will be expressed in negative words and behavior. The reality is that you may not be able to control your environment. Perhaps you have experienced such difficulties as sickness, an alcoholic spouse, a teenager on drugs, a mother who abandoned you, a father who abused you, a spouse who is irresponsible, aging parents, and so on. Any one of those situations can be overwhelming. But it's crucial to realize that you are responsible for what you do within your environment. And your attitude will greatly influence your behavior.

First Thessalonians 5:16-18 gives us some key steps to developing a positive attitude: "Always be joyful. Never stop praying. Be thankful in all circumstances."

If you want to know your attitude, look at your words and behavior. If your words are critical and negative, then you have a negative attitude. If your behavior is designed to hurt or get back at your spouse, then you have a negative attitude. Paul gives straightforward counsel in Philippians 2:14: "Do everything without complaining and arguing." Following this advice and guarding your attitude are the most powerful things you can do to affect your behavior and influence your marriage.

Take time to pray and ask God to overcome a negative attitude. Commit yourself to avoid complaining and arguing. Ask Him to help you rejoice, and be thankful.

Discuss together or reflect on these questions:

Do people generally see you as a positive person or a negative person? Explain.

What past events have shaped your attitude and outlook?

Do you and your spouse's attitudes most often complement each other or conflict with each other? What effect has that had on your relationship?

Consider these passages for further study on Attitude:

Galatians 5:20-23

idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions ²¹ and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.

²² But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, ²³ gentlenesses, and self-control. Against such things, there is no law.

Ephesians 4:23-24 to be made new in the attitude of your minds; ²⁴ and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.

Philippians 2:1-5

Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, ² then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. ³ Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, ⁴ not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.

⁵ In your relationships with one another have the same mindset as Christ Jesus:

Great thoughts of Gary Chapman. It made me look deep at how I am affecting others with my attitude. Please share your thoughts.