Long before Esau saw Jacob's masses approaching, he had chosen to forgive his conniving brother. Jacob had wounded Esau so deeply that Esau had intended to murder him. Thus Jacob had fled into exile, and the brothers had no contact for many long years.

Clearly, Jacob had imagined the worst: an enraged brother who might murder him and his whole clan, Jacob approached Esau tentatively, bowing and offering gifts to placate his brother. But his posturing was unnecessary because Esau ran toward Jacob and embraced, hugged, and kissed him. The choice to forgive had set Esau free but indeed was not an easy choice.

Why is it so hard for us to forgive? Because we are made in God's image, we have a deep concern for justice. Though God's forgiveness for us is free, it was costly. Because Christ paid the penalty on the cross, God can forgive us and still be just.

When others sin against us, forgiveness is also costly. Our sense of justice demands that they pay for their sin. As much as we want to be reconciled, we cannot ignore wrongdoing. However, because we remember that God forgave us when we did not deserve it, we too can choose to forgive others. Love is always ready to forgive.

Our marriages should be marked by this same ready forgiveness. We hurt each other often and deeply, and unless we want to live in the same emotional exile from each other that these brothers experienced, we too must forgive.

Spend time praying about forgiveness. Ask the Holy Spirit to bring to mind any unresolved issues between you. Ask God to help you forgive each other sincerely, from the heart.

Take time to discuss together or reflect on these questions:

• What can emotional exile look like in a relationship?
• What makes it hard for us to forgive each other?
• What stands unresolved between us?

Consider these passages for further study on Forgiveness:

Luke 17:3-4

So watch yourselves.

“If your brother or sister^[a] sins against you, rebuke them; and if they repent, forgive them. ⁴ Even if they sin against you seven times in a day and seven times come back to you saying ‘I repent,’ you must forgive them.”

Ephesians 4:32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

Colossians 3:13 Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.

Genesis 33:1-15

Jacob looked up and there was Esau, coming with his four hundred men; so he divided the children among Leah, Rachel, and the two female servants. ² He put the female servants and their children in front, Leah and her children next, and Rachel and Joseph in the rear. ³ He himself went on ahead and bowed down to the ground seven times as he approached his brother.

⁴ But Esau ran to meet Jacob and embraced him; he threw his arms around his neck and kissed him. And they wept. ⁵ Then Esau looked up and saw the women and children. “Who are these with you?” he asked.

Jacob answered, “They are the children God has graciously given your servant.”

⁶ Then the female servants and their children approached and bowed down. ⁷ Next, Leah and her children came and bowed down. Last of all came to Joseph and Rachel, and they too bowed down.

⁸ Esau asked, “What’s the meaning of all these flocks and herds I met?”

“To find favor in your eyes, my lord,” he said.

⁹ But Esau said, “I already have plenty, my brother. Keep what you have for yourself.”

¹⁰ “No, please!” said Jacob. “If I have found favor in your eyes, accept this gift from me. For to see your face is like seeing the face of God, now that you have received me favorably. ¹¹ Please accept the present that was brought to you, for God has been gracious to me and I have all I need.” And because Jacob insisted, Esau accepted it.

¹² Then Esau said, “Let us be on our way; I’ll accompany you.”

¹³ But Jacob said to him, “My lord knows that the children are tender and that I must care for the ewes and cows that are nursing their young. If they are driven hard just one day, all the animals will die. ¹⁴ So let my lord go on ahead of his servant, while I move along slowly at the pace of the flocks and herds before me and the pace of the children until I come to my lord in Seir.”

¹⁵ Esau said, “Then let me leave some of my men with you.”

“But why do that?” Jacob asked. “Just let me find favor in the eyes of my lord.”

Great thoughts and reflection by Gary Chapman. It allowed me to consider all points of view to see how people react, respond, and turn situations around from hurt and pain. Take it to the next level, and contact a Forgiveness Coach too! I recommend you connect with Rob Scott and see how your life can be different today.