When conflict occurs, whether it's in your relationships or in your church, reconciliation is always the ideal. Of course, reconciliation usually requires confrontation. When it's done properly, confrontation can do wonders for a relationship.
Confronting should never be done for the purpose of condemning but rather for restoring the relationship to a genuine, open, and loving connection. In our relationships, if there has been a misunderstanding, the air is to be cleared so that we can resume fellowship. If wrongdoing is confessed, we are to forgive and the relationship is restored. The apostle Paul, when talking about his confrontation with Peter in Galatians 2:11-21, said we must always remember that we may be the one next time who offends.
Loving confrontation is not easy for most people. We have had no training and very little experience in this approach to handling anger. We are far more experienced in either ventilating or seeking to deny or hide our anger, but such approaches are always destructive. Loving confrontation with a view to reconciliation is the best approach, especially when you're talking about someone with whom you've pledged to spend the rest of your life.
Take some time to pray and ask the Lord to...
Forgive you for past conflicts that you handled poorly.
Search your heart and make you aware of any current conflict you need to address.
Give you the wisdom and patience to handle future conflicts in a way that honors Him.
Discuss, share or reflect on these questions.
When was the last time you dealt with conflict in a way you later regretted?
When was the last time you handled conflict in a positive way?
At what point should a third party, such as a pastor or counselor, be brought into a conflict?
Consider these passages for further study on Resolving Conflict:
Proverbs 15:1 A gentle answer turns away wrath,
but a harsh word stirs up anger
Matthew 5:9 Blessed are the peacemakers,
for they will be called children of God.
Ephesians 4:31-32 Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. 32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
Devotional thoughts of Gary Chapman. This can help with your approach to conflict that must be dealt with.