Self-awareness isn't a trait we're all born with. In a marriage, a spouse can help you recognize things in yourself you might not be aware of. But when your spouse in the one hurt by your lack of self-awareness, try turning to God for insight.
Your prayer might go something like this: "Lord, what is wrong with me? Where am I failing my spouse? What am I doing and saving that I shouldn't? What am I failing to do or say that I should? Please show me my failures." This simple prayer (or one like it) has been prayed and answered for thousands of years. Take a look at King David's prayer, from about 1000 BC: "Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life" (Psalm 139:23-24) You can be certain that when you pray a prayer like this, God will answer.
Be prepared to make a list of the things He brings to your mind. These may not be major moral failures but could be words and actions that have not been loving and kind. Once you have them written down, you can start planning how to address them.
Take some time to pray individually or as a couple. Ask God to help you...
Recognize the things you're doing right as a spouse.
Understand the impact your failures have had on your family.
Address the problem areas on your list in a way that honors Him and brings closeness to your family.
When you take time to discuss, reflect on these questions:
When you want an honest opinion about yourself or something you've done, who do you turn to? Why?
If you named your spouse in response to the previous question, how do you react to his or her honest assessments? If you didn't mention your spouse, explain why.
When you examine your own parenting skills, are you more likely to see them in a positive or negative light? Why?
Consider these passages for further study on self-examination:
Psalm 51:1-19 For the director of music. A psalm of David. When the prophet Nathan came to him after David had committed adultery with Bathsheba.
1 Have mercy on me, O God,
according to your unfailing love;
according to your great compassion
blot out my transgressions.
2 Wash away all my iniquity
and cleanse me from my sin.
3 For I know my transgressions,
and my sin is always before me.
4 Against you, you only, have I sinned
and done what is evil in your sight;
so you are right in your verdict
and justified when you judge.
5 Surely I was sinful at birth,
sinful from the time my mother conceived me.
6 Yet you desired faithfulness even in the womb;
you taught me wisdom in that secret place.
7 Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean;
wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.
8 Let me hear joy and gladness;
let the bones you have crushed rejoice.
9 Hide your face from my sins
and blot out all my iniquity.
10 Create in me a pure heart, O God,
and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
11 Do not cast me from your presence
or take your Holy Spirit from me.
12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation
and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.
13 Then I will teach transgressors your ways,
so that sinners will turn back to you.
14 Deliver me from the guilt of bloodshed, O God,
you who are God my Savior,
and my tongue will sing of your righteousness.
15 Open my lips, Lord,
and my mouth will declare your praise.
16 You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it;
you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings.
17 My sacrifice, O God, is[b] a broken spirit;
a broken and contrite heart
you, God, will not despise.
18 May it please you to prosper Zion,
to build up the walls of Jerusalem.
19 Then you will delight in the sacrifices of the righteous,
in burnt offerings offered whole;
then bulls will be offered on your altar.
2 Corinthians 13:5 Examine yourselves to see whether you are in the faith; test yourselves. Do you not realize that Christ Jesus is in you—unless, of course, you fail the test?
Galatians 5:22-23 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things, there is no law.
Great thoughts of Gary Chapman. Keep your strong relationships with others to make yourself even stronger.