How astounding that the eternal God invites people to ask Him for gifts - yet that is precisely what Jesus taught (see Matthew 7:7-11). That does not mean that God will give us exactly what we ask for, every time we ask. A wise parent will not give a child three candy bars even though the child may ask. The promise is that God will give "good gifts" when asked (Matthew 7:11). Parents would not give a child something they knew to be destructive even though the child asked intently, nor would God. He loves us too much for that.
James tells us another reason God does not always give us exactly what we request: "And even when you ask, you don't get it because your motives are all wrong - you want only what will give you pleasure" (James 4:3). Hedonistic requests that focus on selfish pleasure will not be granted by God. He loves us too much to allow us to build our lives on a faulty premise. In a proper relationship with God, our desire is to receive gifts from Him that will enable us to give to others. Thus, a pastor asks for wisdom in shepherding his flock; a parent asks for emotional and physical strength to support his or her children. If we ask for material possessions (which is not discouraged in the Scriptures), it should be for the purpose of using them to enhance our ministry to others. Requesting material things simply for the sake of possessing them is foreign to the biblical concept of love. Sincere followers of Jesus always ask: "How may I use what God gives me to minister to others?"
Take time to pray to ask God...
To transform your heart so that you ask for gifts that better enable you to love and serve others.
To give you what's best for you - not just what you want.
Discuss together and reflect on these questions:
What kinds of things do you usually ask God to give you?
Do you tend to think of God as a generous Father who lavishes gifts on His children, or do you perceive Him as stingy? Why? What does Matthew 7:1-11 reveal about God?
James describes being a "friend of the world" (4:4) What do you think this means?
Consider these passages for further study on Prayer:
Psalm 66:19 but God has surely listened
and has heard my prayer.
Matthew 7:7-8 7 “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. 8 For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.
I John 3:22 and receive from him anything we ask because we keep his commands and do what pleases him.
James 4:1-10
What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? 2 You desire but do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight. You do not have because you do not ask God. 3 When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.
4 You adulterous people,[a] don’t you know that friendship with the world means enmity against God? Therefore, anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God. 5 Or do you think Scripture says without reason that he jealously longs for the spirit he has caused to dwell in us[b]? 6 But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says:
“God opposes the proud
but shows favor to the humble.”[c]
7 Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. 8 Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. 9 Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. 10 Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.
Are You Trustworthy?
James 5:12 But most of all, my brothers and sisters, never take an oath, by heaven or earth or anything else. Just say a simple yes or no, so that you will not sin and be condemned.
Find more thought-worthy questions to challenge yourself and do this with the one you are close to.
What communication principle is found in this key verse?
What kind of character would you need to have to live out James 5:12?
Have you ever said yes when you meant no? Why did you?
What keeps us from communicating clearly or honestly in all situations?
Earlier in his epistle, James encourages us to be "quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry." How does this advice apply in marriage communications?
What does the phrase "quick to listen" mean to you?
Look for ways to improve your reliability this week. If you say you'll be somewhere at a specific time, ensure that you will be. If you promise to do something together, protect that time with passion.
Great thought questions of Gary Chapman. It allowed me to realize that there are ways we build relationships and consistency is important. Continue to ask the Lord for wisdom and the strength the empower and impact others when it doesn't seem possible. Being more aware of what is challenged from communicating clearly with understanding and honesty, is helpful in learning what we can do to make a change. Being willing to be open to change helps us improve our life.