The first three steps to responding to an angry spouse are listen, listen, and listen. Until you listen three times, you will not have a clear picture of why your spouse is angry. When you ask questions and listen intently, your spouse knows that you're taking him or her seriously.

The book of Job shows Job experiencing great physical suffering and intense emotions. The longer he talked without feeling as if someone was listening, the angrier and more frustrated he became. Look at his plea in Job 13:17: "Listen closely to what I am about to say. Hear me out." A friend or spouse who listens effectively can have a significant impact.

The fourth step is to try to understand your spouse's plight. Put yourself in your spouse's shoes and try to look at the world through his or her eyes. Given your spouse's personality, can you understand why he or she would be upset?

Once you've gained new understanding, step five is to express that understanding. For example, "Honey, I can understand why you're angry. If I were in your shoes, I'd probably be angry also. It makes sense to me now." In doing so, you cease to be an enemy and become a friend. And friends can help friends solve problems.

Take time to pray and ask God to:

Keep you from becoming your spouse's adversary when he or she is angry.

Help you listen, understand, and communicate that understanding so that you can become your spouse's friend.

Give you the patience and humility to work with your spouse to find a solution to the problem he or she is facing.

Discuss and reflect on these questions:

How good of a listener are you? In what areas do you need improvement?

How can you put yourself in your spouse's shoes?

What would your spouse most like to hear from you when he or she is upset?

Consider these passages for further study on Empathy:

Matthew 7:12 So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.

John 15:12 My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you.

Ephesians 4:29 Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.

Job 13:17 Listen carefully to what I say;
    let my words ring in your ears.

Listening and patience are the skills that are easy to do yet takes lots of practice. How good are you?

Understanding how important it is to listen will go a long ways in other parts of your relationship. Start with a listening ear and you'll be amazed on how everything comes together. Great thoughts of Gary Chapman setting our priorities with our listening ear.