Nehemiah found that Jerusalem’s city wall had been reduced to rubble. One of the most remarkable rebuilding projects in ancient history followed as Nehemiah prayed, strategized, and mobilized workers to reconstruct the entire wall in just a few months. In doing so, he left an example for anyone who seeks to rebuild, whether the rubble is physical- or marital.

The next step is confessing your failures to your loved one and asking for forgiveness. Try this: “I know my actions have hurt you deeply. My words have been unkind and unfair. I have neglected you. I cannot undo what I have done, but if you forgive me, I would like to show you that I indeed love, respect, and appreciate you. I believe we can build a healthy marriage together, and that is what I want.

Your spouse may not reciprocate right away. Allow time for him or her to see that you are genuinely seeking to build a new relationship.

Take time to pray and ask God to…

Remind you of harsh, critical, or condemning words you’ve spoken to your loved one.

Forgive you for your hurtful words and actions.

Give you the strength to seek your loved one’s forgiveness.

Take time to discuss and reflect on these questions:

How have you contributed to the lack of intimacy in your marriage?

How would you respond if your loved one said something like the apology quoted in the devotion?

What would it take for you to say something like that to your loved one?

Consider these passages for further study on Intimacy:

Proverbs 5:15- 19 Drink water from your own well - share your love only with your wife. Why spill the water of your springs in the streets, having sex with just anyone? You should reserve it for yourselves. Never share it with strangers. Let your wife be a fountain of blessing for you. Rejoice in the wife of your youth. She is a loving deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts satisfy you always. May you always be captivated by her love.

1 Corinthians 7:2-5

But because there is so much sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman should have her own husband. The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband’s needs. The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife. Do not deprive each other of sexual relations unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

1 Thessalonians 4:3- 7 God’s will is for you to be holy, so stay away from all sexual sin. Then, each of you will control his own body and live in holiness and honor- not in lustful passion like the pagans who do not know God and his ways. Never harm or cheat a Christian brother in this matter by violating his wife, for the Lord avenges all such sins, as we have solemnly warned you before. God has called us to live holy lives, not impure lives.

Nehemiah 4:10 The people of Judah began to complain, “The workers are getting tired, and there is so much rubble to be moved. We will never be able to build the wall by ourselves.

When you keep love first, everything aligns. Thanks to Gary Chapman for this devotional. Build the intimacy of your relationships to keep them strong.