Conflict resolution aims not to eliminate our differences but to make them assets rather than liabilities. In a good marriage, a couple learns to work together as a team, utilizing differences to make life better for both spouses. Resolving conflicts is one method of developing teamwork. Sometimes, we do not even know our differences until a dispute arises.

Conflicts are not simple differences of opinion or preferences, such as different favorite colors. Conflicts are disagreements in which both spouses feel strongly, and their differing views affect their behavior, causing disharmony. Conflicts can erupt in any area of life: driving, eating, money, sex, in-laws, spirituality, leisure time, and child rearing, to mention a few. Conflicts are not necessarily harmful, and they're inevitable in every marriage. Our objective is not to get rid of conflicts but rather to resolve conflicts and thereby learn how to work in harmony, as teammates, toward mutual goals.

When a couple learns to resolve conflicts in this manner, when they work together to understand, encourage, and support each other, marriage becomes beautiful. The ancient Hebrew proverb, "Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed" (Ecclesiastes 4:9), becomes a reality. Their deep, emotional need for companionship is met. They approach life with a sense of harmony; together, they will accomplish far more than they could achieve alone. Standing back-to-back, they can conquer the challenges that come their way (Ecclesiastes 4:12).

Take time to pray individually or as a couple, asking God to teach you how to resolve conflicts in healthy ways, to use conflicts to grow you closer together, and to make the fabric of your marriage more like the unity described in this passage: encouraging, supportive, beautiful, amiable, and strong.

Discuss together or reflect on these questions:

How can conflict strengthen a marriage?

What are some conflicts that have surprised you in your marriage?

In this season of your marriage, do you feel like you are fighting more against each other or back-to-back (with each other) against external enemies? Why?

Consider these passages for further study on working together:

Proverbs 27:17 As iron sharpens iron,
    so one person sharpens another.

Romans 15:5 May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you the same attitude of mind toward each other that Christ Jesus had,

Philippians 2:1-2 Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, ² then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind.

Ecclesiastes 4:7-12 Again I saw something meaningless under the sun:

⁸ There was a man all alone;
    he had neither son nor brother.
There was no end to his toil,
    yet his eyes were not content with his wealth.
“For whom am I toiling,” he asked,
    “and why am I depriving myself of enjoyment?”
This too is meaningless—
    a miserable business!

⁹ Two are better than one,
    because they have a good return for their labor:
¹⁰ If either of them falls down,
    one can help the other up.
But pity anyone who falls
    and has no one to help them up.
¹¹ Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.
    But how can one keep warm alone?
¹² Though one may be overpowered,
    two can defend themselves.
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.

Conflicts are challenging. Yet when you see them as a blessing, perspectives change, and you can work through them no matter how hard they may seem.