All marriages are imperfect because all spouses are imperfect. We all fail sometimes. The good news is that our failures - even the big ones - can be overcome.

The moment we acknowledge our failure, God forgives our sins. But as long as we excuse our sins, God will not hear our prayers (see Psalm 66:18). The first step in developing your relationship with God is to confess all known sins. With a pencil and paper, ask, "Lord, where have I failed in my marriage?" As God brings truth to your mind, list your failures. Then go over your list, confessing each sin, thanking God that Christ has paid the penalty for your sin, and accepting His forgiveness for that sin.

Confession and forgiveness do not mean we will immediately lose all remorse about our sin. We may still feel horrible when we reflect on what we've done, but our feelings have nothing to do with God's forgiveness. We must not allow those feelings to defeat us. When feelings of guilt return after confession, we simply say, "Thank you, Father, that those sins are forgiven and that You no longer hold them against me. Help me to forgive myself."

Take some time to pray individually or as a couple. In your prayer time...

Ask God to help you recall your failures in your marriage.

Keep a list of the things He brings to mind.

Confess each one.

Ask for forgiveness for each one.

If you have more time, discuss or reflect on these questions.

What failures in your marriage still need to be forgiven?

How easily can you forgive yourself after you've failed your spouse? Why?

Does forgiveness require forgetting the other person's sin? Explain.

Consider these passages for further study on Confession and Forgiveness.

Luke 15:11-24 The Parable of the Lost Son

¹¹ Jesus continued: “There was a man who had two sons. ¹² The younger one said to his father, ‘Father, give me my share of the estate.’ So he divided his property between them.

¹³ “Not long after that, the younger son got together all he had, set off for a distant country and there squandered his wealth in wild living. ¹⁴ After he had spent everything, there was a severe famine in that whole country, and he began to be in need. ¹⁵ So he went and hired himself out to a citizen of that country, who sent him to his fields to feed pigs. ¹⁶ He longed to fill his stomach with the pods that the pigs were eating, but no one gave him anything.

¹⁷ “When he came to his senses, he said, ‘How many of my father’s hired servants have food to spare, and here I am starving to death! ¹⁸ I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. ¹⁹ I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired servants.’ ²⁰ So he got up and went to his father.

“But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.

²¹ “The son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’

²² “But the father said to his servants, ‘Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. ²³ Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let’s have a feast and celebrate. ²⁴ For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’ So they began to celebrate.

Colossians 3:13 Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.

Hebrews 10:17-18 Then he adds:

“Their sins and lawless acts
    I will remember no more.”^[a]

¹⁸ And where these have been forgiven, sacrifice for sin is no longer necessary.

Psalm 66:16-20 Come and listen, all you who fear God, and I will tell you what he did for me.

For I cried out to him for help, praising him as I spoke.

If I had not confessed the sin in my heart, the Lord would not have listened.

But God did listen! He paid attention to my prayer.

Praise God, who did not ignore my prayer or withdraw his unfailing love from me.

Gary Chapman shared these tips. Evaluating how we treat each other keeps my relationships fresh. Finding ways to encourage and show more respect goes a long way.