Most of us share our ideas much too soon. We talk before we have really listened. According to one study, the average person listens only seventeen seconds before interrupting the speaker.

The book of Job gives illustrations of poor listening. As Job suffered with illness, grief, and loss, he maintained his good standing before God. But his “friends” brushed him off and insisted that he must have committed some great sin for God to allow him to suffer so much. Finally, after enduring many speeches, Job became fed up. We can hear his frustration in Job 31:35; “If only someone would listen to me!”

God listeners will never share their ideas until they are sure that they understand what the other person is.. In marriage, this is extremely important. Ask questions, repeat what you think your spouse is saying, and ask, “Am I understanding you?” If your spouse says yes, then and only then are you ready to move on. You might say, “I really appreciate your being open with me. Now that I understand where you’re coming from, may I share what I was thinking?” At this point, your spouse will hear your perspective, because you have first taken the time to really hear what he or she was saying.

Take time to pray.

Emphasize to the Lord that you want to be a good and thoughtful listener. Ask Him to help you retain from expressing your opinions too soon or too strongly. Ask Him to give you ears to listen well.

Discuss and reflect on these questions:

How would you rate yourself as a listener? Why?

How would your spouse rate you as a listener? Why?

Describe the effect that an interruption has on a conversation - from the listener’s perspective as well as the speaker’s.

Consider these passages for further study on listening:

Proverbs 15:2 The tongue of the wise makes knowledge appealing, but the mouth of a fool belches out foolishness.

Ecclesiastes 5:2 Don’t make rush promises, and don’t be hasty in bringing matters before God, After all, God is in heaven, and you are here on earth. So let your words be few.

James 1:19 Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.

Job 31:35 “If only someone would listen to me! Look, I will sign my name to my defense. Let the Almighty answer me. Let my accuser write out the charges against me.

When you don’t feel heard, trust in the Lord. When you don’t know what to do, trust in the Lord. He may not directly tell you what to do, yet he hears that you are trying to make the right decision. Great thoughts of Gary Chapman and helped me realize we don