In Ephesians 5:25 we read, "For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her." So what was the attitude of the church, when Christ gave Himself for it? Were those whom He loved kind, considerate, and patient toward Him? On the contrary - the best among them cursed and said, "I don't know the man!" (Matthew 26:74). Romans 5:8 tells us God showed His love toward us in that while we were filthy, selfish, and hateful, Christ died for us.

God loved us when we were very unlovely. So a husband is commanded to love his wife even when she isn't very lovable. If he responds to his wife's unloveliness and courtesy, he is making it as easy as possible for her to respond in like manner.

This does not mean she must respond with love. She has the freedom not to love. That is why the ultimate success of a marriage cannot be achieved by the acts of one partner only. It takes two loving individuals to attain ultimate satisfaction in a relationship. But if you, as one individual, choose to love, things will improve. You can always improve your marriage and love is your greatest weapon.

Take time to pray and open up to the Lord about your frustrations, feelings of inadequacy as a loving husband or wife, and commitment to show love to your spouse whether it's returned or not.

Discuss:

Think of a time when each of you was "unlovable" How did the other respond?

What role does kindness play in a healthy relationship? What role does understanding play? Patience? Courtesy?

Have you ever felt as though you were carrying most of the load in trying to keep your love going strong? Explain.

Consider these passages for further study on Committed Love:

Proverbs 10:12 Hatred stirs up conflict,
    but love covers over all wrongs.

Proverbs 17:9 Whoever would foster love covers over an offense,
    but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends.

Song of Songs 2:16 My beloved is mine and I am his;
    he browses among the lilies.

Great devotional thoughts of Gary Chapman to help us be more aware of when we are unlovely how we should respond and think about how to improve our relationships.