Talk with friends who know you well and have observed your marriage. Tell them you’re trying to improve your marriage. Ask them for honest feedback on what they have observed in your life, particularly the ways you respond to your loved one.

One friend said to a wife who asked for input, “You are critical of your husband in front of other people. It’s embarrassing for him. I’ve often felt sorry for him.” A friend said to a husband who had asked for feedback, “My observation is that you often try to control your wife. I remember that just last week she was standing in the lobby of the church talking with another lady, and you walked up and said, “We’ve got to go.” It was like you were her father telling her what she needed to do.” The truth may be hard to hear, but if you don’t hear it, you’ll likely never make the necessary changes. Friends will often give you perceptions of yourself you have never imagined.

Take time to pray individually or with your loved ones. As you pray:

Thank God for the godly friends He has put in your life.

Request the humility to ask your friends for their input and the grace to accept it in the spirit it is intended.

Ask God to help you discern good advice from bad and helpful observations from harmful ones.

Take time to reflect on these questions:

How difficult would it be for you to seek the input of friends and loved ones on your relationship with your loved one?

When should the opinions of others be taken with a grain of salt? Explain.

Whose opinions will you seek out this week? How will you broach the topic?

Consider these passages for further study on Wise Counsel:

Proverbs 11:14 For lack of guidance a nation falls,
    but victory is won through many advisers.

Proverbs 12:15 The way of fools seems right to them,
    but the wise listen to advice.

Proverbs 19:20-21

Listen to advice and accept discipline,
    and at the end you will be counted among the wise.

²¹ Many are the plans in a person’s heart,
    but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.

2 Samuel 12:1-25

The Lord sent Nathan to David. When he came to him, he said, “There were two men in a certain town, one rich and the other poor. ² The rich man had a very large number of sheep and cattle, ³ but the poor man had nothing except one little ewe lamb he had bought. He raised it, and it grew up with him and his children. It shared his food, drank from his cup, and even slept in his arms. It was like a daughter to him.

⁴ “Now a traveler came to the rich man, but the rich man refrained from taking one of his own sheep or cattle to prepare a meal for the traveler who had come to him. Instead, he took the ewe lamb that belonged to the poor man and prepared it for the one who had come to him.”

⁵ David burned with anger against the man and said to Nathan, “As surely as the Lord lives, the man who did this must die! ⁶ He must pay for that lamb four times over because he did such a thing and had no pity.”

⁷ Then Nathan said to David, “You are the man! This is what the Lord, the God of Israel, says: ‘I anointed you, king, over Israel, and I delivered you from the hand of Saul. ⁸ I gave your master’s house to you, and your master’s wives into your arms. I gave you all Israel and Judah. And if all this had been too little, I would have given you even more. ⁹ Why did you despise the word of the Lord by doing what is evil in his eyes? You struck down Uriah the Hittite with the sword and took his wife to be your own. You killed him with the sword of the Ammonites. ¹⁰ Now, therefore, the sword will never depart from your house, because you despised me and took the wife of Uriah the Hittite to be your own.’

¹¹ “This is what the Lord says: ‘Out of your own household I am going to bring calamity on you. Before your very eyes, I will take your wives and give them to one who is close to you, and he will sleep with your wives in broad daylight. ¹² You did it in secret, but I will do this thing in broad daylight before all Israel.’”

¹³ Then David said to Nathan, “I have sinned against the Lord.”

Nathan replied, “The Lord has taken away your sin. You are not going to die. ¹⁴ But because by doing this you have shown utter contempt for^[a] the Lord, the son born to you will die.”

¹⁵ After Nathan had gone home, the Lord struck the child that Uriah’s wife had borne to David, and he became ill. ¹⁶ David pleaded with God for the child. He fasted and spent the nights lying in sackcloth^[b] on the ground. ¹⁷ The elders of his household stood beside him to get him up from the ground, but he refused, and he would not eat any food with them.

¹⁸ On the seventh day the child died. David’s attendants were afraid to tell him that the child was dead, for they thought, “While the child was still living, he wouldn’t listen to us when we spoke to him. How can we now tell him the child is dead? He may do something desperate.”

¹⁹ David noticed that his attendants were whispering among themselves, and he realized the child was dead. “Is the child dead?” he asked.

“Yes,” they replied, “he is dead.”

²⁰ Then David got up from the ground. After he had washed, put on lotions and changed his clothes, he went into the house of the Lord and worshiped. Then he went to his own house, and at his request they served him food, and he ate.

²¹ His attendants asked him, “Why are you acting this way? While the child was alive, you fasted and wept, but now that the child is dead, you get up and eat!”

²² He answered, “While the child was still alive, I fasted and wept. I thought, ‘Who knows? The Lord may be gracious to me and let the child live.’ ²³ But now that he is dead, why should I go on fasting? Can I bring him back again? I will go to him, but he will not return to me.”

²⁴ Then David comforted his wife Bathsheba, and he went to her and made love to her. She gave birth to a son, and they named him Solomon. The Lord loved him; ²⁵ and because the Lord loved him, he sent word through Nathan the prophet to name him Jedidiah.^[c]

One of the hardest things to swallow is critical input. Yet, realize how the others feel. Once the air is clear, life can be put back on track. Live a new life knowing that you are improving others’ lives around you.

Great thoughts of Gary Chapman.