If a person’s least important language of appreciation is words of affirmation, no matter how much praise you give him or her, it misses the mark. The person will not feel encouraged or appreciated by compliments, notes of appreciation, or recognition in front of others.

Understanding and accepting people’s differences in how they feel appreciated and encouraged is critical to your relationships. If you don’t fully grasp and implement this reality in how you relate to others, you will waste a lot of time and energy trying to encourage them in ways that have little or no impact on them. As a result, you may begin to resent people who have different languages of appreciation. You may start to feel that they are ungrateful, negative, and don’t appreciate what you are trying to do for them. Thus, knowing your least valued language of appreciation is an important step in becoming an effective communicator of appreciation.

Take some time to talk to God about your relationships at home, at work, at church, and in your neighborhood. Ask Him to give you the wisdom to recognize the most and least effective love languages for the people you encounter.

Discuss and reflect on these questions:

Which love language is least effective for you? Which one is least effective for your spouse?

How has that affected your relationship?

How can you discover – and remember – which love languages certain people respond to and which ones they don’t?

Consider these passages for further study on showing love:

John 13:34-35 A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. ³⁵ By this everyone will know that you are my disciples if you love one another.”

Romans 12:9-10 Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. ¹⁰ Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.

I John 4:7-21

Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. ⁸ Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. ⁹ This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. ¹⁰ This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. ¹¹ Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. ¹² No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.

¹³ This is how we know that we live in him and he in us: He has given us of his Spirit. ¹⁴ And we have seen and testify that the Father has sent his Son to be the Savior of the world. ¹⁵ If anyone acknowledges that Jesus is the Son of God, God lives in them and they in God. ¹⁶ And so we know and rely on the love God has for us.

God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them. ¹⁷ This is how love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment: In this world, we are like Jesus. ¹⁸ There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

¹⁹ We love because he first loved us. ²⁰ Whoever claims to love God yet hates a brother or sister is a liar. For whoever does not love their brother and sister, whom they have seen, cannot love God, whom they have not seen. ²¹ And he has given us this command: Anyone who loves God must also love their brother and sister.

Leviticus 19:34 The foreigner residing among you must be treated as your native-born. Love them as yourself, for you were foreigners in Egypt. I am the Lord your God.

Knowing these love languages really helps you have a better deeper relationship with those you love those you work with and anyone you meet. Take the time to be more aware of what makes a person really feel encouraged and appreciated. These thoughts are inspired by Gary Chapman.