Anger itself is not a sin, but harboring anger is sinful. Another Bible translation casts Solomon’s warning this way: “anger resides in the lap of fools” (Ecclesiastes 7:9). Notice the key word, “resides.” Fools let anger abide in them, “so consuming them that it obviously labels them as fools. This implies that those who are wise quickly manage their anger, thereby removing it. Anger was designed to be a visitor, never a resident, in the human heart. All of us experience anger, but holding anger inside, denying, withdrawing, and brooding is not the Christian response. In fact, harboring anger violates the clear teachings of Scripture. Bitterness grows from stored anger, and the Bible warns us against bitterness.

Feelings of anger should be a trigger, prompting us to look deeper and ask, Why do I really feel angry? Often, anger is a secondary emotion masking a primary emotion of sadness or fear. Only when we identify the root of anger can we address the cause directly. When we fixate only on the anger, we often lose our tempers.

Take time to pray, asking God…

To teach you to control your temper.

To give you the insight and discernment to know anger’s actual cause.

To uproot any bitterness in your soul.

Discuss and reflect on these questions:

Read descriptions of bitterness in Acts 8:23 For I see that you are full of bitterness and captive to sin.”

Romans 3:14 “Their mouths are full of cursing and bitterness.”^[a]

Ephesians 4:31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.

Hebrews 12:15  See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.

What is associated with bitterness?

How well do you control your temper? Think of some recent times you felt angry and how you responded.

What are healthy ways to deal with and express anger?

Consider these passages for further study on anger:

Psalm 37:8 Refrain from anger and turn from wrath;
    do not fret—it leads only to evil.

Proverbs 14:29 Whoever is patient has great understanding,
    but one who is quick-tempered displays folly.

James 1:19-20 My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, ²⁰ because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.

Thankful for these guiding thoughts of Gary Chapman.

Recently losing my love, Vincent, I have felt all these emotions in a whirlwind. Understanding them more helps me realize where to focus and ways that the Lord can help me. Trusting the Lord will take care of me through these trials and finding comfort.

Anger is a response to some event or situation in life that causes us irritation, frustration, pain, or other displeasure. Thousands of events and situations have the potential for provoking anger. An elderly relative makes a tactless comment about your child’s weight. The guy behind you on the expressway follows too closely. Your father was always angry about something when you were growing up, and now you have trouble managing your own anger. Anger is fed by feelings of disappointment, hurt, rejection, and embarrassment. Anger puts you against the person, place, or thing that sparked the emotion. It is the opposite of the feeling of love. Love draws you toward the person; anger sets you against the person.

That’s important to remember when you respond to anger in your life. Are you drawing people toward you or setting yourself against them?

Take some time to pray individually or as a couple. Thank God and pray for the instructions He offers in His Word for dealing with anger. Ask Him to help you set a good example for your children as you process and express your own anger.

Take time to discuss together or reflect on these questions:

How was anger expressed in your home when you were growing up?

How has that affected your own ability to express anger?

How can you and your loved one help each other become role models for your children when it comes to dealing with anger?

Consider these passages for further study on anger:

Psalm 4:4

“When you are angry, do not sin. Think about these things quietly as you go to bed. Selah”
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭4‬:‭4‬ ‭NCV‬‬
https://bible.com/bible/105/psa.4.4.NCV

Proverbs 16:32

“Patience is better than strength. Controlling your temper is better than capturing a city.”
‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭16‬:‭32‬ ‭NCV‬‬
https://bible.com/bible/105/pro.16.32.NCV

James 1:19-20

“My dear brothers and sisters, always be willing to listen and slow to speak. Do not become angry easily, because anger will not help you live the right kind of life God wants.”
‭‭James‬ ‭1‬:‭19‬-‭20‬ ‭NCV‬‬
https://bible.com/bible/105/jas.1.19-20.NCV

Numbers 20:1-13

“In the first month all the people of Israel arrived at the Desert of Zin, and they stayed at Kadesh. There Miriam died and was buried. There was no water for the people, so they came together against Moses and Aaron. They argued with Moses and said, “We should have died in front of the Lord as our brothers did. Why did you bring the Lord’s people into this desert? Are we and our animals to die here? Why did you bring us from Egypt to this terrible place? It has no grain, figs, grapevines, or pomegranates, and there’s no water to drink!” So Moses and Aaron left the people and went to the entrance of the Meeting Tent. There they bowed facedown, and the glory of the Lord appeared to them. The Lord said to Moses, “Take your walking stick, and you and your brother Aaron should gather the people. Speak to that rock in front of them so that its water will flow from it. When you bring the water out from that rock, give it to the people and their animals.” So Moses took the stick from in front of the Lord, as he had said. Moses and Aaron gathered the people in front of the rock, and Moses said, “Now listen to me, you who turn against God! Do you want us to bring water out of this rock?” Then Moses lifted his hand and hit the rock twice with his stick. Water began pouring out, and the people and their animals drank it. But the Lord said to Moses and Aaron, “Because you did not believe me, and because you did not honor me as holy before the people, you will not lead them into the land I will give them.” These are the waters of Meribah, where the Israelites argued with the Lord and where he showed them he was holy.”
‭‭Numbers‬ ‭20‬:‭1‬-‭13‬ ‭NCV‬‬
https://bible.com/bible/105/num.20.1-13.NCV

How do you know who is God?

1. Read Numbers 23:17-20. God cannot lie, Why is it important for believers to understand this?
2. God does not change His mind. How does this fact strengthen the hope of believers?
3. How can you, in your daily life, make God’s faithfulness apparent to others?
4. God has never lied, failed, or broken a single promise. And yet He forgives you when you lie and fail and don’t keep your promises. How should you react when your spouse fails you?
5. Read Colossians 3:13. Why should you be quick to forgive each other? “Bear with each other, and forgive each other. If someone does wrong to you, forgive that person because the Lord forgave you.”Colossians‬ ‭3‬:‭13‬ ‭NCV‬‬ https://bible.com/bible/105/col.3.13.NCV
6. Forgiveness doesn’t always come easily. Why is it so difficult for you to forgive each other sometimes?

Numbers 23:17-20

“So Balaam went to Balak, where he and the leaders of Moab were standing beside his burnt offering. Balak asked him, “What did the Lord say?” Then Balaam gave this message: “Stand up, Balak, and listen. Hear me, son of Zippor. God is not a human being, and he will not lie. He is not a human, and he does not change his mind. What he says he will do, he does. What he promises, he makes come true. He told me to bless them, so I cannot change the blessing.”
‭‭Numbers‬ ‭23‬:‭17‬-‭20‬ ‭NCV‬‬
https://bible.com/bible/105/num.23.17-20.NCV

Thoughts of Gary Chapman challenging to write a list of God’s attributes – the specific qualities that you really appreciate. Then, pray and thank Him for each of these qualities.