The description of a godly woman in Proverbs 31:10-31 includes a wide range of decision-making situations that the wife was responsible for. The woman described in Proverbs 31 certainly could not have felt that her abilities were being underutilized.

Can women today, in our culture, make the same claim? The wise and mature couple will carefully consider the division of labor between them. A husband who is secure in his own self-esteem will not view his wife’s efforts as competition. A wife who recognizes her own God-given self-worth will not have to prove her value to anyone. A husband and wife who work as a team, each encouraging the other to reach his or her maximum potential for God, will both find the rewards satisfying.

Take some time to pray individually or as a couple. Thank God for your spouse and for His gift of marriage. Ask Him to bless your efforts to build a relationship that utilizes both of your skills.

Take time to discuss and reflect:

How do you feel about the division of labor and responsibilities in your family?

Which of your skills are underutilized in your present arrangement? Which skills are overworked?

What do you need to do to reach your potential as a couple?

Consider these passages for further study on self-esteem:

Genesis 1:27 So God created mankind in his own image,
    in the image of God he created them;
    male and female he created them.

Psalm 139:13-14 For you created my inmost being;
    you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
¹⁴ I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    your works are wonderful,
    I know that full well.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 Two are better than one,
    because they have a good return for their labor:
¹⁰ If either of them falls down,
    one can help the other up.
But pity anyone who falls
    and has no one to help them up.
¹¹ Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.
    But how can one keep warm alone?
¹² Though one may be overpowered,
    two can defend themselves.
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.

Proverbs 31:10-31 Epilogue: The Wife of Noble Character

^10 [a]A wife of noble character who can find?
    She is worth far more than rubies.
¹¹ Her husband has full confidence in her
    and lacks nothing of value.
¹² She brings him good, not harm,
    all the days of her life.
¹³ She selects wool and flax
    and works with eager hands.
¹⁴ She is like the merchant ships,
    bringing her food from afar.
¹⁵ She gets up while it is still night;
    she provides food for her family
    and portions for her female servants.
¹⁶ She considers a field and buys it;
    out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
¹⁷ She sets about her work vigorously;
    her arms are strong for her tasks.
¹⁸ She sees that her trading is profitable,
    and her lamp does not go out at night.
¹⁹ In her hand she holds the distaff
    and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
²⁰ She opens her arms to the poor
    and extends her hands to the needy.
²¹ When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
    for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
²² She makes coverings for her bed;
    she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
²³ Her husband is respected at the city gate,
    where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
²⁴ She makes linen garments and sells them,
    and supplies the merchants with sashes.
²⁵ She is clothed with strength and dignity;
    she can laugh at the days to come.
²⁶ She speaks with wisdom,
    and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
²⁷ She watches over the affairs of her household
    and does not eat the bread of idleness.
²⁸ Her children arise and call her blessed;
    her husband also, and he praises her:
²⁹ “Many women do noble things,
    but you surpass them all.”
³⁰ Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
    but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
³¹ Honor her for all that her hands have done,
    and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

Thoughts of Gary Chapman share ideas and opportunities that come up around us. It’s up to us to be strong in how we react and take action to put others close to us first and make the best decisions. See how your actions influence others and lean on the Lord to guide you.

Reaching agreement, however, is a process. Individuals have personal thoughts and feelings on every subject. Our thoughts and feelings do not always match. We must listen, understand, and compromise to reach agreement. Compromise is not a negative word. Webster describes a compromise as “as settlement… by consent reached by mutual concessions” or as “something intermediate between or blending qualities of two different things.”

We each share our perspective, and then we look for common ground. We may not fully agree, but we make concessions and we blend our ideas. Each partner should be willing to give and to change, if each one can see the benefit to the other. The attitude of love is so important. Without a spirit of love – seeking the welfare of the other – we may never reach agreement. Take time to pray asking God…

• To teach us how to seek the best for our loved ones with a spirit of love;
• To teach us how to reach positive, healthy compromises;
• To set the direction for our close relationships so that you can truly walk together.

Reflect on more questions:

• What does the decision-making process look like in your close relationships? Think of some specific, big decisions you’ve made and how you reached them.
• What pitfalls do you see in how you disagree? Do you fight about issues that don’t really matter to you rather than humbly deferring to your loved one? Do you take a strong enough stand on issues that do matter to you?
• How well are you listening to each other? Empathizing? Staying engaged and honoring each other, even when you disagree? Think about where your communication breaks down – and what you can work to improve.

Consider more passages for further study on Compromise:

Matthew 18:19 Again, truly I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything they ask for, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven.

Romans 14:1-23 Accept the one whose faith is weak, without quarreling over disputable matters. 2 One person’s faith allows them to eat anything, but another, whose faith is weak, eats only vegetables. 3 The one who eats everything must not treat with contempt the one who does not, and the one who does not eat everything must not judge the one who does, for God has accepted them. 4 Who are you to judge someone else’s servant? To their own master, servants stand or fall. And they will stand, for the Lord is able to make them stand.5 One person considers one day more sacred than another; another considers every day alike. Each of them should be fully convinced in their own mind. 6 Whoever regards one day as special does so to the Lord. Whoever eats meat does so to the Lord, for they give thanks to God; and whoever abstains does so to the Lord and gives thanks to God. 7 For none of us lives for ourselves alone, and none of us dies for ourselves alone. 8 If we live, we live for the Lord; and if we die, we die for the Lord. So, whether we live or die, we belong to the Lord. 9 For this very reason, Christ died and returned to life so that he might be the Lord of both the dead and the living.10 You, then, why do you judge your brother or sister[a]? Or why do you treat them with contempt? For we will all stand before God’s judgment seat. 11 It is written: “‘As surely as I live,’ says the Lord, ‘every knee will bow before me; every tongue will acknowledge God.’”[b]12 So then, each of us will give an account of ourselves to God.13 Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in the way of a brother or sister. 14 I am convinced, being fully persuaded in the Lord Jesus, that nothing is unclean in itself. But if anyone regards something as unclean, then for that person it is unclean. 15 If your brother or sister is distressed because of what you eat, you are no longer acting in love. Do not by your eating destroy someone for whom Christ died. 16 Therefore do not let what you know is good be spoken of as evil. 17 For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking, but of righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit, 18 because anyone who serves Christ in this way is pleasing to God and receives human approval.19 Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification. 20 Do not destroy the work of God for the sake of food. All food is clean, but it is wrong for a person to eat anything that causes someone else to stumble. 21 It is better not to eat meat or drink wine or to do anything else that will cause your brother or sister to fall.22 So whatever you believe about these things keep between yourself and God. Blessed is the one who does not condemn himself by what he approves. 23 But whoever has doubts is condemned if they eat, because their eating is not from faith; and everything that does not come from faith is sin.[c]

James 4:2 You desire but do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight. You do not have because you do not ask God.

Amos 3:1-11 Hear this word, people of Israel, the word the Lord has spoken against you—against the whole family I brought up out of Egypt:2 “You only have I chosen of all the families of the earth; therefore I will punish you for all your sins.”3 Do two walk together unless they have agreed to do so? 4 Does a lion roar in the thicket when it has no prey? Does it growl in its den when it has caught nothing? 5 Does a bird swoop down to a trap on the ground when no bait is there? Does a trap spring up from the ground if it has not caught anything? 6 When a trumpet sounds in a city, do not the people tremble? When disaster comes to a city, has not the Lord caused it?7 Surely the Sovereign Lord does nothing without revealing his plan to his servants the prophets.8 The lion has roared— who will not fear? The Sovereign Lord has spoken— who can but prophesy?9 Proclaim to the fortresses of Ashdod and to the fortresses of Egypt: “Assemble yourselves on the mountains of Samaria; see the great unrest within her and the oppression among her people.”10 “They do not know how to do right,” declares the Lord, “who store up in their fortresses what they have plundered and looted.”11 Therefore this is what the Sovereign Lord says: “An enemy will overrun your land, pull down your strongholds and plunder your fortresses.”

Know what really matters with your goals in walking together. Keep the respect for each other with love. Devotional by Gary Chapman.