Arguments, by their very nature, create an atmosphere of antagonism. Couples become adversaries rather than friends. Rarely do couples argue themselves into harmony, Often, though, they argue themselves into hopelessness.

Marital conflicts are inevitable, but arguing is an option – an unhealthy option. Arguments never resolve conflicts; they simply intensify them. Unresolved conflicts over a period of months or years have led many couples to the conclusion that they are not compatible. In their minds, if they were, they wouldn’t have so many conflicts and would be able to resolve them easily.

Marital conflicts can be resolved, but it requires that we get off our stallion of superiority and view each other as human beings who are uniquely crafted in God’s image. A husband and wife can form a strong team when they work together using their differences as strengths to help and encourage each other. And as a team, they can use their abilities to make a difference for good in their family and community.

Take some time to pray individually or as a couple. Talk to God about the conflicts in your marriage. Confess the times when you’ve handled conflict poorly. Ask Him to help you learn to respond to conflict in a loving, positive manner.

If you have more time…

Discuss together or reflect on these questions:

How do you feel about arguments? Explain.

What makes you think your side of an argument is right?

What is the most effective way to resolve conflict with your spouse?

Consider these passages for further study on Resolving Conflict:

Matthew 18:15-17 “If your brother or sister^[a] sins,^[b] go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. ¹⁶ But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’^[c] 17 If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector.

Romans 12:17-21 Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. ¹⁸ If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. ¹⁹ Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,”^[a] says the Lord. ²⁰ On the contrary:

James 1:19  My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry,

2 John 1:3 Grace, mercy, and peace from God the Father and from Jesus Christ, the Father’s Son, will be with us in truth and love.

It’s always good to get to the core and reason why arguing and continuous actions happen. When we learn to work on the differences, it is then we grow in ourselves and the Lord. Thoughts of Gary Chapman to share how we can respond to conflict in a loving, positive manner.