In a marriage, prayer is essential – for ourselves and our spouses – even when it is uncomfortable. Jesus said about the Holy Spirit, “And when he comes, he will convict the world of its sin, and of God’s righteousness, and of the coming judgment” (John 16:8). If you love your spouse, you will pray for the specific work of the Holy Spirit in his or her life. Pray that He will effect a deep sense of guilt for sin, a genuine awareness of what it means to be right, and an understanding of the reality of judgment to come.

Such praying is in keeping with what we know to be the work of the Holy Spirit. You might also pray for the same power for yourself. Often, if one spouse is willing to deal with his or her own failures, the other spouse will do the same. There can be no reconciliation without repentance.

Take some time to pray individually or as a couple. Thank God that when we sincerely ask His forgiveness. He always gives it. Ask Him to convict you of areas in your life that need confession and forgiveness. Ask Him to make you an instrument of forgiveness in your spouse’s life.

Discuss and reflect on these questions:

Why is it important to be convicted of one’s sin?

What keeps people from experiencing guilt?

What can you do to help your spouse address sin in his or her life?

Consider these passages for further study on Prayer:

Job 42:10 When Job prayed for his friends, the Lord restored his fortunes. In fact, the Lord gave him twice as much as before!

Romans 8:26-27 And the Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness. For example,, we don’t know what God wants us to pray for. But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words. And the Father who knows all hearts knows what the Spirit is saying, for the Spirit pleads for us believers in harmony with God’s own will.

Ephesians 6:18 Pray in the Spirit at all times and on every occasion. Stay alert and be persistent in your prayers for all believers everywhere.

Great thoughts of prayer and encouragement to be reminded and inspired to pray more of Gary Chapman.

In a remarkable dialogue in Genesis, Abraham pleaded with God to spare Sodom and Gomorrah for the sake of fifty, forty-five, forty, thirty, twenty, or ten righteous people living in the city. God agreed. When ten righteous people were not found, God delivered Abraham’s nephew Lot and his two daughters (see Genesis 18:16-19:20).

After the Israelites worshiped the golden calf; God in His holy anger was poised to destroy them. Moses interceded, pleading for mercy, and God relented (see Exodus 32:7-14, 30-25),

Covered in burlap and ashes, Daniel pleaded with God, confessing his sins and the sins of Israel, begging for God’s mercy after the Babylonian captivity (see Daniel 9:1-19)

Jesus prayed for Peter, that his faith would not fail under testing (see Luke 22:31-32), and Jesus even interceded for us (see John 17:20-22).

The model of intercessory prayer appears throughout Scripture, showing us the power of humble, loving prayer for others.

Spend more time with God in intercessory prayer. Assume a humble posture. Express your dependence on Him. Plead on behalf of another who desperately needs His work of healing, restoration, or transformation in his or her life. Like Joshua, humbly listen for God’s response.

Take more time to reflect on these questions:

1. What does the story of Achan’s sin reveal about God?
2. Why is intercession an act of love?
3. At some point in your life, who has interceded on your behalf? For who have you interceded?

Consider these passages for further study on Prayer:

Ephesians 6:18 And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people.

I Timothy 2:1-5  I urge, then, first of all, that petitions, prayers, intercession, and thanksgiving be made for all people— ² for kings and all those in authority, that we may live peaceful and quiet lives in all godliness and holiness. ³ This is good and pleases God our Savior, ⁴ who wants all people to be saved and to come to a knowledge of the truth. ⁵ For there is one God and one mediator between God and mankind, the man Christ Jesus,

James 5:13-16 Is anyone among you in trouble? Let them pray. Is anyone happy? Let them sing songs of praise. ¹⁴ Is anyone among you sick? Let them call the elders of the church to pray over them and anoint them with oil in the name of the Lord. ¹⁵ And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise them up. If they have sinned, they will be forgiven. ¹⁶ Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.

Joshua 7:1-16

But the Israelites were unfaithful in regard to the devoted things^[a]; Achan son of Karmi, the son of Zimri,^[b] the son of Zerah, of the tribe of Judah, took some of them. So the Lord’s anger burned against Israel.

² Now Joshua sent men from Jericho to Ai, which is near Beth Aven to the east of Bethel, and told them, “Go up and spy out the region.” So the men went up and spied out Ai.

³ When they returned to Joshua, they said, “Not all the army will have to go up against Ai. Send two or three thousand men to take it and do not weary the whole army, for only a few people live there.” ⁴ So about three thousand went up; but they were routed by the men of Ai, ⁵ who killed about thirty-six of them. They chased the Israelites from the city gate as far as the stone quarries and struck them down on the slopes. At this, the hearts of the people melted in fear and became like water.

⁶ Then Joshua tore his clothes and fell facedown to the ground before the ark of the Lord, remaining there till evening. The elders of Israel did the same and sprinkled dust on their heads. 7 And Joshua said, “Alas, Sovereign Lord, why did you ever bring these people across the Jordan to deliver us into the hands of the Amorites to destroy us? If only we had been content to stay on the other side of the Jordan! ⁸ Pardon your servant, Lord. What can I say, now that Israel has been routed by its enemies? ⁹ The Canaanites and the other people of the country will hear about this and they will surround us and wipe out our name from the earth. What then will you do for your own great name?”

¹⁰ The Lord said to Joshua, “Stand up! What are you doing down on your face? ¹¹ Israel has sinned; they have violated my covenant, which I commanded them to keep. They have taken some of the devoted things; they have stolen, they have lied, and they have put them with their own possessions. ¹² That is why the Israelites cannot stand against their enemies; they turn their backs and run because they have been made liable to destruction. I will not be with you anymore unless you destroy whatever among you is devoted to destruction.

¹³ “Go, consecrate the people. Tell them, ‘Consecrate yourselves in preparation for tomorrow; for this is what the Lord, the God of Israel, says: There are devoted things among you, Israel. You cannot stand against your enemies until you remove them.

¹⁴ “‘In the morning, present yourselves tribe by tribe. The tribe the Lord chooses shall come forward clan by clan; the clan the Lord chooses shall come forward family by family; and the family the Lord chooses shall come forward man by man. ¹⁵ Whoever is caught with the devoted things shall be destroyed by fire, along with all that belongs to him. He has violated the covenant of the Lord and has done an outrageous thing in Israel!’”

¹⁶ Early the next morning Joshua had Israel come forward by tribes, and Judah was chosen.

I pray for others every day. In fact, my family comes first usually in my prayers. I pray for the safety of my daughter and for her to heal from her missing tastes. She has trouble tasting some of her favorite foods like cheese and chocolate and prays she will get her senses back one day. I pray for the health of my boyfriend, Vincent, so he is healed of his kidney disease. I pray for my health that I can go back to my healthy weight as well. I pray for the health of my parents and that we always make wise choices that keep our love for Christ first. Always keeping others first helps me stay aligned as well. Who do you pray for?

James tells us another reason God does not always give us exactly what we request: “And even when you ask, you don’t get it because your motives are all wrong – you want only what will give you pleasure” (James 4:3). Hedonistic requests that focus on selfish pleasure will not be granted by God. He loves us too much to allow us to build our lives on a faulty premise. In a proper relationship with God, our desire is to receive gifts from Him that will enable us to give to others. Thus, a pastor asks for wisdom in shepherding his flock; a parent asks for emotional and physical strength to support his or her children. If we ask for material possessions (which is not discouraged in the Scriptures), it should be for the purpose of using them to enhance our ministry to others. Requesting material things simply for the sake of possessing them is foreign to the biblical concept of love. Sincere followers of Jesus always ask: “How may I use what God gives me to minister to others?”

Take time to pray to ask God…

To transform your heart so that you ask for gifts that better enable you to love and serve others.

To give you what’s best for you – not just what you want.

Discuss together and reflect on these questions:

What kinds of things do you usually ask God to give you?

Do you tend to think of God as a generous Father who lavishes gifts on His children, or do you perceive Him as stingy? Why? What does Matthew 7:1-11 reveal about God?

James describes being a “friend of the world” (4:4) What do you think this means?

Consider these passages for further study on Prayer:

Psalm 66:19 but God has surely listened
    and has heard my prayer.

Matthew 7:7-8 ⁷ “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. ⁸ For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.

I John 3:22 and receive from him anything we ask because we keep his commands and do what pleases him.

James 4:1-10

What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? ² You desire but do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight. You do not have because you do not ask God. ³ When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.

⁴ You adulterous people,^[a] don’t you know that friendship with the world means enmity against God? Therefore, anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God. ⁵ Or do you think Scripture says without reason that he jealously longs for the spirit he has caused to dwell in us^[b]? ⁶ But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says:

“God opposes the proud
    but shows favor to the humble.”^[c]

⁷ Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. ⁸ Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. ⁹ Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. ¹⁰ Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.

Are You Trustworthy?

James 5:12 But most of all, my brothers and sisters, never take an oath, by heaven or earth or anything else. Just say a simple yes or no, so that you will not sin and be condemned.

Find more thought-worthy questions to challenge yourself and do this with the one you are close to.

What communication principle is found in this key verse?

What kind of character would you need to have to live out James 5:12?

Have you ever said yes when you meant no? Why did you?

What keeps us from communicating clearly or honestly in all situations?

Earlier in his epistle, James encourages us to be “quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.” How does this advice apply in marriage communications?

What does the phrase “quick to listen” mean to you?

Look for ways to improve your reliability this week. If you say you’ll be somewhere at a specific time, ensure that you will be. If you promise to do something together, protect that time with passion.

Great thought questions of Gary Chapman. It allowed me to realize that there are ways we build relationships and consistency is important. Continue to ask the Lord for wisdom and the strength the empower and impact others when it doesn’t seem possible. Being more aware of what is challenged from communicating clearly with understanding and honesty, is helpful in learning what we can do to make a change. Being willing to be open to change helps us improve our life.