There is no quick solution to reaching marital unity in the area of finances, but each couple can and must find a way to do it. The process requires talking, listening, understanding, and seeking a new way – not my way or your way but our way. We must try to understand why we feel and think as we do, and we must be willing to change. If we dogmatically refuse to understand the viewpoint of our mate and reject change, finances can destroy the marriage.

Life’s meaning is found not in money but in intimate relationships. Marriage is meant to be the most intimate of all human relationships. We must not allow our conflicts over money to destroy our intimacy. Reaching an agreement on finances— especially tithing— must be a high priority.

Second Chronicles 24:10 demonstrates that the best giving is glad giving. If you and your spouse can become glad givers together, you will experience an intimacy unlike a person anything else you have experienced.

Take time to pray and thank God for the awesome responsibility. He has given you to manage His money. Ask Him to help you and your spouse keep a proper perspective on money, so that you may honor Him in all your decisions.

Discuss questions and reflect:

How do you feel about giving 10 percent of what you earn to the Lord? Be specific.

What does it mean to be a “steward” of God’s resources?

In what areas do you and your spouse disagree about money? What steps can you take to come to some agreement?

Consider these passages for further study on Stewardship:

Deuteronomy 15:9-11

Do not be mean spirited and refuse someone a loan because the year for cancelling debts is close at hand. If you refuse to make the loan and the needy person cries out to the Lord, you will be considered guilty of sin. Give generously to the poor, not grudgingly, for the Lord your God will bless you in everything you do. There will always be some in the land who are poor. That is why I am commanding you to share freely with the poor and with other Israelites in need.

Proverbs 24:3-4 A house is built by wisdom and becomes strong through good sense. Through knowledge, its rooms are filled with all sorts of precious riches and valuables.

I Timothy 6:17-18 Teach those who are rich in this world not to be proud and not to trust in their money, which is so unreliable. Their trust should be in God, who richly gives us all we need for our enjoyment. Tell them to use their money to do good. They should be rich in good works and generous to those in need, always being ready to share with others.

Always pray to do the right thing and have wisdom with our decisions about money and how it impacts others around us. Grateful for the thoughts of Gary Chapman.

As Joshua, the successor to Moses, prepared to lead the Israelites into the Promised Land, he issued these instructions:

“Study this Book of Instruction continually. Meditate on it day and night so you will be sure to obey everything written in it. Only then will you prosper and succeed in all you do. This is my command – be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord our God is with you wherever you go” (Joshua 1:8-9).

Joshua connects prosperity to obedience courage, and the experience of God’s presence – not to the accumulation of money. Yet, how easily we are drawn to money. A couple will never regret trusting in God, but countless couples have trusted in money – some who are wealthy and some who are not – and have found no ultimate satisfaction, only empty regret. When our trust is in God, we see money as an instrument to be used for good under His direction. Our greatest desire will be to please God as good managers of the resources He has entrusted to us.

Take time to pray to ask God…

To free you from the love of money.

To help you trust Him regardless of how much money you have.

To help you make wise choices with the money you have.

Reflect more on these questions…

Read Joshua’s challenge to his people in Joshua 24:15. Joshua frames the choice of whether to serve God as an intentional decision, yet many couples amble through life making a decision by default. What firm faith decisions have you made as a family?

What does it look like to trust in money?

Is having money always a blessing? Why or why not? How does God define prosperity?

Consider these passages for further study on money:

Psalm 119:36 Turn my heart toward your statutes
    and not toward selfish gain.

Matthew 6:19-24

 “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. ²⁰ But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. ²¹ For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

²² “The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are healthy,^[a] your whole body will be full of light. ²³ But if your eyes are unhealthy,^[b] your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light within you is darkness, how great is that darkness!

²⁴ “No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money.

Hebrews 13:5 Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, “Never will I leave you;
    never will I forsake you.”

Joshua 24:15 But if serving the Lord seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your ancestors served beyond the Euphrates or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord.”

Joshua 1:1-9

After the death of Moses the servant of the Lord, the Lord said to Joshua son of Nun, Moses’ aide: ² “Moses my servant is dead. Now then, you and all these people, get ready to cross the Jordan River into the land I am about to give to them—to the Israelites. ³ I will give you every place where you set your foot, as I promised Moses. ⁴ Your territory will extend from the desert to Lebanon, and from the great river, the Euphrates—all the Hittite country—to the Mediterranean Sea in the west. ⁵ No one will be able to stand against you all the days of your life. As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you. ⁶ Be strong and courageous, because you will lead these people to inherit the land I swore to their ancestors to give them.

⁷ “Be strong and very courageous. Be careful to obey all the law my servant Moses gave you; do not turn from it to the right or to the left, that you may be successful wherever you go. ⁸ Keep this Book of the Law always on your lips; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful. ⁹ Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”

As you grow, keep the Lord first. This helps me focus on prosperity in the right d

Not that we should romanticize poverty. Constant deprivation and struggle are equally harmful to the soul, and many affluent couples are true servants of God. But we are to put these things in perspective, as Jesus reminds us: “See the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need” (Matthew 6:33). “Everything” includes food, clothing, and shelter (see Matthew 6:25).

Most of us have to work for a living, and it is by this act that God normally provides our necessities. But work is only one “righteous” act. There are many more, such as godliness, faith, love, patience, and meekness. We must not allow the pursuit of money to erode these more important areas.

Take some pray and ask God to…

• open your eyes to any wrong motivations or attitudes you may have toward money;
• give you and your loved one the wisdom to give money its proper priority – no more, no less;
• bless your efforts to make money decisions that honor Him.

Take time to reflect on these questions:

• What is your most pressing financial issue at the moment?
• How have you dealt with it so far?
• What changes do you need to make in your approach to the issue so that you can honor God more?

Consider these passages for further study on Money:

Ecclesiastes 5:10 Whoever loves money never has enough;
    whoever loves wealth is never satisfied with their income.
    This too is meaningless.

Philippians 4:11-13 ¹¹ I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. ¹² I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. ¹³ I can do all this through him who gives me strength.

Hebrews 13:5

⁵ Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have because God has said,

“Never will I leave you;
    never will I forsake you.”^[a]

Great thoughts of Gary Chapman when communication is very important with relationships on the topic of money. Can you share any wisdom with how you communicate money with your relationships?

The wise couple will make money their servant. They will seek to use money for the good of their family and to help others. They will never allow money to be their master, dictating their decision. Jesus addressed this issue when He said, “No one can serve two masters. For you will hate one and live the other; you will be devoted to one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money” (16:13).

Because they “dearly loved their money,” the Pharisees mocked Jesus (16:14). And because they “dearly loved their money,” according to Jesus’ teaching, they could not also live God. As Jesus taught, live of money and live for God cannot coexist.

Take some time to pray asking God…

To show you any love of money in your heart and to free you from it;

To teach you to be trustworthy with worldly wealth so that you can be trusted with the true riches of heaven;

To help you rightly see the higher value of relationships over money.

Reflecting on more thoughts:

How have you experienced that love of money and love of God are incompatible?

To what extent do you feel like money is your servant, and to what extent do you feel enslaved to money?

What financial decisions are you facing, and how can you use Jesus’ teaching in Luke 16 to guide your choices?

Consider studying more passages on money:

Psalm 119:36 Turn my heart^(A) toward your statutes
and not toward selfish gain.^(B

Hebrews 13:5

Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said,

“Never will I leave you;
never will I forsake you.”^[a]

I John 3:16-18 ¹⁶ This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters. ¹⁷ If anyone has material possessions and sees a brother or sister in need but has no pity on them, how can the love of God be in that person? ¹⁸ Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth.

Luke 16:1-17

Jesus told his disciples: “There was a rich man whose manager was accused of wasting his possessions. ² So he called him in and asked him, ‘What is this I hear about you? Give an account of your management, because you cannot be manager any longer.’

³ “The manager said to himself, ‘What shall I do now? My master is taking away my job. I’m not strong enough to dig, and I’m ashamed to beg— ⁴ I know what I’ll do so that, when I lose my job here, people will welcome me into their houses.’

⁵ “So he called in each one of his master’s debtors. He asked the first, ‘How much do you owe my master?’

⁶ “‘Nine hundred gallons^[a] of olive oil,’ he replied.

“The manager told him, ‘Take your bill, sit down quickly, and make it four hundred and fifty.’

⁷ “Then he asked the second, ‘And how much do you owe?’

“‘A thousand bushels^[b] of wheat,’ he replied.

“He told him, ‘Take your bill and make it eight hundred.’

⁸ “The master commended the dishonest manager because he had acted shrewdly. For the people of this world are more shrewd in dealing with their own kind than are the people of the light. ⁹ I tell you, use worldly wealth to gain friends for yourselves, so that when it is gone, you will be welcomed into eternal dwellings.¹⁰ “Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much, and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much. ¹¹ So if you have not been trustworthy in handling worldly wealth, who will trust you with true riches? ¹² And if you have not been trustworthy with someone else’s property, who will give you property of your own?¹³ “No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money.”¹⁴ The Pharisees, who loved money, heard all this and were sneering at Jesus. ¹⁵ He said to them, “You are the ones who justify yourselves in the eyes of others, but God knows your hearts. What people value highly is detestable in God’s sight.Additional Teachings¹⁶ “The Law and the Prophets were proclaimed until John.Since that time, the good news of the kingdom of God is being preached, and everyone is forcing their way into it. ¹⁷ It is easier for heaven and earth to disappear than for the least stroke of a pen to drop out of the Law.

These passages and thoughts allowed me to think of my talents and to know what I can control. Control your riches and serve the Lord to the best use of your talents and skills. That is what we can do according to what the Lord has given us.

These thoughts are from Gary Chapman.

What did you learn from these passages and thoughts?