Only through the healing act of confession could David be restored to a right relationship with God and live as the man God had called him to be.

The feeling of being wronged by a spouse can cloud the marriage relationship. But when we, motivated by love, confront our spouse, receive their apology, and forgive, we free them from their burden, as the Lord freed David, and we can go on to rebuild trust and health in the relationship.

Of course, it is tempting when we’ve been wronged to feel like the “good person “ in the marriage. But we too must confess our own sin and admit our own inadequacy. That will help us become more loving, free to forgive- as God has forgiven us.

Take time to pray, individually or as a couple. Acknowledge to the Lord that it’s easy to forget that He conflicts His people of sin because He loves us. Thank Himself for wanting you to be more like Him – and ask for His assistance as the two of you try it.

Take time to discuss and reflect on these questions:

What kind of offense is hardest for you to forgive? Why?

Why is it so difficult to give up moral superiority after you’ve been wronged?

What’s the most loving thing you can do after your spouse has wronged you?

Consider these passages for further study on Repentance and Forgiveness:

Psalm 51:1-19

“God, be merciful to me because you are loving. Because you are always ready to be merciful, wipe out all my wrongs. Wash away all my guilt and make me clean again. I know about my wrongs, and I can’t forget my sin. You are the only one I have sinned against; I have done what you say is wrong. You are right when you speak and fair when you judge. I was brought into this world in sin. In sin my mother gave birth to me. You want me to be completely truthful, so teach me wisdom. Take away my sin, and I will be clean. Wash me, and I will be whiter than snow. Make me hear sounds of joy and gladness; let the bones you crushed be happy again. Turn your face from my sins and wipe out all my guilt. Create in me a pure heart, God, and make my spirit right again. Do not send me away from you or take your Holy Spirit away from me. Give me back the joy of your salvation. Keep me strong by giving me a willing spirit. Then I will teach your ways to those who do wrong, and sinners will turn back to you. God, save me from the guilt of murder, God of my salvation, and I will sing about your goodness. Lord, let me speak so I may praise you. You are not pleased by sacrifices, or I would give them. You don’t want burnt offerings. The sacrifice God wants is a broken spirit. God, you will not reject a heart that is broken and sorry for sin. Do whatever good you wish for Jerusalem. Rebuild the walls of Jerusalem. Then you will be pleased with right sacrifices and whole burnt offerings, and bulls will be offered on your altar.‬‬

Romans 2:4

Don’t you see how wonderfully kind, tolerant, and patient God is with you? Does this mean nothing to you? Can’t you see that his kindness is intended to turn you from your sin?

1 John 1:9

If anyone claims, “I am living in the light,” but hates a Christian brother or sister, that person is still living in darkness.

We are not perfect and recognizing when we realize we have done wrong. The Lord is merciful and gives us grace and wisdom to forgive. Making opportunities to set things right. Being patient to live in faith. Great thoughts of Gary Chapman.

Tell your spouse: “What can I do to make this up to you? I know I hurt you and feel bad about it, but I want to make it right. I want to do something to show you that I love you.”

Words don’t mean much unless they’re backed up with action. Job was overrun with words from his friends, who tried to make sense of his terrible suffering. But many words from his friends, who wanted to make sense of his terrible suffering. But much of what they said was wrong. In Job 12:11, Job says he tested their words to determine what was true. We all do the same thing – test words to see if they are genuine and if they will likely be followed up with action.

To establish trust, you need to show that your words are genuine. When you ask your spouse how you can make the situation right, you are trying to make restitution. You are demonstrating that you care about your relationship. After all, your spouse wants to know whether your apology is sincere. Make sure your answer is clear.

Thank God for the opportunity to make restitution with your loved one. Ask the Lord to help you show your loved one that you’re sincere and want to do what’s right. Ask the Lord to equip you to seek the reconciliation your relationship needs.

Discuss together or reflect on these questions:

What should you say to your spouse when you realize reconciliation is needed?

How might your spouse test your words to see if they are sincere?

What specific steps can you take to prove your sincerity to your spouse?

Consider these passages for further study on reconciliation:

Matthew 18:15-17 ^15: “If your brother or sister^[a] sins,^[b] go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. ¹⁶ But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’^[c] 17 If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector.

2 Corinthians 5:18 ¹⁸ All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation:

Ephesians 4:32 ³² Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

Trust is crucial in a relationship. Without it, it will always struggle. Find ways to keep building trust, and your relationships will grow stronger. Gary Chapman shares great thoughts and guidance here. It’s one of the things that I like to focus on.

In 2 Chronicles 32:24-26, Hezekiah repented after his lack of gratitude angered the Lord. God had healed him from an illness, but Hezekiah was too proud to acknowledge it. However, when the Lord’s anger stirred, Hezekiah forgot his pride and rushed to make amends. He didn’t just apologize in Prayer; he humbled himself. He made sure his actions backed up his words.

When we hurt our spouses, we must acknowledge that what we have done is wrong and that just apologizing is not enough to make it right. We also need to make a plan to change our actions so we don’t hurt our loved ones in the same way again.

Take time to pray and acknowledge that you need to do more than say you are sorry when you do wrong. Admit that you need to turn away from your wrong patterns of relating to your loved one. Ask the Lord to help you change and give you the strength to repent.

Discuss and reflect on these questions:

What would you say to a woman who was fed up with having the same argument with her husband for thirty years?

Can you picture you and your loved one arguing about the same old things thirty years from now? Explain.

How can the spouse who’s been wronged help the other come to repentance?

Consider these passages for further study on repentance:

2 Corinthians 7:8-11  Even if I caused you sorrow by my letter, I do not regret it. Though I did regret it—I see that my letter hurt you, but only for a little while— ⁹ yet now I am happy, not because you were made sorry, but because your sorrow led you to repentance. For you became sorrowful as God intended and so were not harmed in any way by us. ¹⁰ Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death. ¹¹ See what this godly sorrow has produced in you: what earnestness, what eagerness to clear yourselves, what indignation, what alarm, what longing, what concern, what readiness to see justice done. At every point, you have proved yourselves to be innocent in this matter.

2 Timothy 2:24-26 And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful. ²⁵ Opponents must be gently instructed, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth, ²⁶ and that they will come to their senses and escape from the trap of the devil, who has taken them captive to do his will.

Revelation 2:4-5 Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken the love you had at first. ⁵ Consider how far you have fallen! Repent and do the things you did at first. If you do not repent, I will come to you and remove your lampstand from its place.

2 Chronicles 32:24-27

In those days Hezekiah became ill and was at the point of death. He prayed to the Lord, who answered him and gave him a miraculous sign. ²⁵ But Hezekiah’s heart was proud and he did not respond to the kindness shown him; therefore the Lord’s wrath was on him and Judah and Jerusalem. ²⁶ Then Hezekiah repented of the pride of his heart, as did the people of Jerusalem; therefore the Lord’s wrath did not come on them during the days of Hezekiah.

²⁷ Hezekiah had very great wealth and honor, and he made treasuries for his silver and gold and his precious stones, spices, shields, and all kinds of valuables.

God gave us the ability to have the reason to know right and wrong. When we learn and are aware that we did wrong, it’s that strength to set things right. Repent can be very powerful and forgiveness to allow us to heal in many ways. Great thoughts of Gary Chapman to help us see more insights.

Uzziah learned too late that explosive, angry behavior is never constructive. It not only hurts the person to whom it is directed, but it destroys the self-esteem of the perpetrators who are out of control. In the heat of such angry explosions, people say and do things they later regret. Undisciplined anger that expresses itself in verbal and physical explosions will ultimately destroy relationships. The person on the receiving end loses respect for the person who is out of control and will eventually just avoid them.

Some years ago, it was a popular belief in certain psychological circles that releasing anger by aggressive behavior could be a positive way of processing anger. Angry people were encouraged to take their aggression out on pillows or golf balls. However, research now indicates that the venting of angry feelings with such aggressive behaviors does not drain a person’s anger but makes the person more likely to be explosive in the future. Explosion, whether verbal or physical, is not an acceptable way of handling one’s anger.

Take time to pray and ask God to make known to you the people who have been hurt by your anger so that you may make amends. Ask Him to give you the wisdom and self-control to express your anger in a way that honors Him.

Discuss and reflect on these questions:

How would you respond to someone who argued that some people are born with fiery tempers and that there’s nothing wrong with it?

What’s the worst thing your anger has ever caused you to do?

What can your spouse do to help you keep your anger in check? How can you help your spouse?

Consider these passages for further study on anger:

Psalm 37:8 Refrain from anger and turn from wrath;
    do not fret—it leads only to evil.

Proverbs 14:29 Whoever is patient has great understanding,
but one who is quick-tempered displays folly.

Matthew 5:21-24

“You have heard that it was said to the people long ago, ‘You shall not murder,^[a] and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment.’ ²² But I tell you that anyone angry with a brother or sister^[b][c] will be subject to judgment. Again, anyone who says to a brother or sister, ‘Raca,’^[d] is answerable to the court. And anyone who says, ‘You fool!’ will be in danger of the fire of hell.

²³ “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, ²⁴ leave your gift there in front of the altar. First, go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.

2 Chronicles 26:16-19

But after Uzziah became powerful, his pride led to his downfall. He was unfaithful to the Lord his God and entered the temple of the Lord to burn incense on the altar of incense. ¹⁷ Azariah the priest with eighty other courageous priests of the Lord followed him in. ¹⁸ They confronted King Uzziah and said, “It is not right for you, Uzziah, to burn incense to the Lord. That is for the priests, the descendants of Aaron, who have been consecrated to burn incense. Leave the sanctuary, for you have been unfaithful; and you will not be honored by the Lord God.”

¹⁹ Uzziah, who had a censer in his hand ready to burn incense, became angry. While he was raging at the priests in their presence before the incense altar in the Lord’s temple, leprosy^[a] broke out on his forehead.

Great thoughts of Gary Chapman. Anger is an emotion we all have and knowing ways to use it effectively can build relationships stronger. Knowing how to manage and learn from others can make you a stronger person. Pray for the extreme times when you need this strength to make sure you are making wise decisions when your emotions are high.

Loving relationships require patience. Patience must become a way of life. We cannot expect all our differences to be resolved overnight or with one conversation. It takes time and diligence to understand another’s point of view and to negotiate answers to our differences. It is both a lifelong process and the heart and soul of relationships. We cannot build positive relationships without being diligent in our feelings, seeking understanding, affirming each other, and finding workable solutions.

Don’t expect perfection of yourself or your family members. On the other hand, don’t settle for anything less than a loving relationship. We must make room for momentary relapses. None of us change quickly, and we often revert to old patterns. You’ve heard the cliche “Rome was not built in a day.” This is true in relationships as well. Exercise patience, and you are likely to be rewarded.

Take time to pray and thank God for the healthy, functional relationships you enjoy with friends and loved ones. Acknowledge your less-than-functional relationships. Ask God to help you show His love to those people.

Take time to discuss together or reflect on these questions:

What effect has impatience had on your relationships? Explain.

What is the biggest obstacle to effective communication in your relationships? Explain.

Consider these passages for further study on Healthy Relationships.

1 Corinthians 6:1-20

”When you have something against another Christian, how can you bring yourself to go before judges who are not right with God? Why do you not let God’s people decide who is right? Surely you know that God’s people will judge the world. So if you are to judge the world, are you not able to judge small cases as well? You know that in the future we will judge angels, so surely we can judge the ordinary things of this life. If you have ordinary cases that must be judged, are you going to appoint people as judges who mean nothing to the church? I say this to shame you. Surely there is someone among you wise enough to judge a complaint between believers. But now one believer goes to court against another believer—and you do this in front of unbelievers! The fact that you have lawsuits against each other shows that you are already defeated. Why not let yourselves be wronged? Why not let yourselves be cheated? But you yourselves do wrong and cheat, and you do this to other believers! Surely you know that the people who do wrong will not inherit God’s kingdom. Do not be fooled. Those who sin sexually, worship idols, take part in adultery, those who are male prostitutes, or men who have sexual relations with other men, those who steal, are greedy, get drunk, lie about others, or rob—these people will not inherit God’s kingdom. In the past, some of you were like that, but you were washed clean. You were made holy, and you were made right with God in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and in the Spirit of our God. “I am allowed to do all things,” but not all things are good for me to do. “I am allowed to do all things,” but I will not let anything make me its slave. “Food is for the stomach, and the stomach for food,” but God will destroy them both. The body is not for sexual sin but for the Lord, and the Lord is for the body. By his power, God has raised the Lord from the dead and will also raise us from the dead. Surely you know that your bodies are parts of Christ himself. So I must never take the parts of Christ and join them to a prostitute! It is written in the Scriptures, “The two will become one body.” So you should know that anyone who joins with a prostitute becomes one body with the prostitute. But the one who joins with the Lord is one spirit with the Lord. So run away from sexual sin. Every other sin people do is outside their bodies, but those who sin sexually sin against their own bodies. You should know that your body is a temple for the Holy Spirit who is in you. You have received the Holy Spirit from God. So you do not belong to yourselves, because you were bought by God for a price. So honor God with your bodies.“
‭‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭6‬:‭1‬-‭20‬ ‭NCV‬‬
https://bible.com/bible/105/1co.6.1-20.NCV

I Corinthians 13:1-13

”I may speak in different languages of people or even angels. But if I do not have love, I am only a noisy bell or a crashing cymbal. I may have the gift of prophecy. I may understand all the secret things of God and have all knowledge, and I may have faith so great I can move mountains. But even with all these things, if I do not have love, then I am nothing. I may give away everything I have, and I may even give my body as an offering to be burned. But I gain nothing if I do not have love. Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous, it does not brag, and it is not proud. Love is not rude, is not selfish, and does not get upset with others. Love does not count up wrongs that have been done. Love takes no pleasure in evil but rejoices over the truth. Love patiently accepts all things. It always trusts, always hopes, and always endures. Love never ends. There are gifts of prophecy, but they will be ended. There are gifts of speaking in different languages, but those gifts will stop. There is the gift of knowledge, but it will come to an end. The reason is that our knowledge and our ability to prophesy are not perfect. But when perfection comes, the things that are not perfect will end. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I stopped those childish ways. It is the same with us. Now we see a dim reflection as if we were looking into a mirror, but then we shall see clearly. Now I know only a part, but then I will know fully, as God has known me. So these three things continue forever: faith, hope, and love. And the greatest of these is love.“
‭‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭13‬:‭1‬-‭13‬ ‭NCV‬‬
https://bible.com/bible/105/1co.13.1-13.NCV

Galatians 5:14 For the whole law can be summed up in this one command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.”

2 Chronicles 15:7

”But you should be strong. Don’t give up, because you will get a reward for your good work.”“
‭‭2 Chronicles‬ ‭15‬:‭7‬ ‭NCV‬‬
https://bible.com/bible/105/2ch.15.7.NCV

Great thoughts of Gary Chapman. A way to evaluate to learn how you can improve yourself with others. What stands out to me is to keep forgiveness in your heart.

How do you get rid of past failures? King Solomon’s prayer in 2 Chronicles 6:37 gives us some clues. Solomon was urging his people to make themselves right with the Lord. But the principles apply to marriage as well. The first step is to identify your failures. Write them down, if necessary. Make sure you know exactly what you have done. The second step is to confess your failures as wrong – to God and your loved one. Humbly ask for their forgiveness. The third step is to repent – that is, to change your behavior.

To confess this week and then repeat the same behavior next week does not remove barriers. It makes things worse. God is in the business of changing lives. Why not sign up for God’s rehabilitation program? Let Him give you the power to break old habits and replace them with acts of kindness and love. You can become the person your loved one deserves.

Take time to thank God for forgiving your imperfections. Ask Him to make you aware of how your failures have hurt your spouse and others. Ask Him for the wisdom and courage to make amends – and then to make the necessary changes in your life.

Take time to reflect on these questions:

What is the failure of yours that has hurt your relationship?

How does your loved one express his or her disappointment in you?

What kind of reaction does that cause in you?

Consider these passages for further study on Failure:

Psalm 73:26 My flesh and my heart may fail,
    but God is the strength of my heart
    and my portion forever.

I Corinthians 10:12-13 So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don’t fall! ¹³ No temptation^[a] has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted^[b] beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted,^[c] he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.

Philippians 1:6 being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

2 Chronicles 6:37 and if they have a change of heart in the land where they are held captive, and repent and plead with you in the land of their captivity and say, ‘We have sinned, we have done wrong and acted wickedly’;

Great thoughts of Gary Chapman on how to be more effective with our failures. The first step is to be aware and then know what to do to fix it. This gives us more confidence to do the right thing to make our relationships stronger.

We see from this story the value of talking to God about our anger. God is our compassionate Father and wants to hear our complaints. At the same time, He is also the sovereign God who does no wrong. He may choose to help us understand His perspective on our present situation as He did with Elijah; or He may, without explanation, simply ask us to trust Him as He did with His servant Job.

After honestly expressing our anger toward God, we are in a position to listen to His “quiet whisper.” This may come through a trusted Christian friend, a sermon, the lyrics of a worship song, or Scripture. Listening does not always lead to understanding, but it does lead to accepting our situation without malice toward Him.

Take time to pray and ask God…

To assure you that He is your loving, compassionate Father, a safe haven no matter what you feel;

To help you accept that you will not, this side of heaven, fully understand His plan;

To help you trust Him and accept what comes in life.

Reflect on these questions:

When have you felt angry with God? How did you deal with your anger?

What are some negative, unhealthy ways to deal with your anger toward God?

What healthy steps did Elijah model in this story? What can you learn from his example?

Consider these passages for further study on anger:

Exodus 5:22-23 Moses returned to the Lord and said, “Why, Lord, why have you brought trouble on this people? Is this why you sent me? ²³ Ever since I went to Pharaoh to speak in your name, he has brought trouble on this people, and you have not rescued your people at all.”

Job 7:6-21

“My days are swifter than a weaver’s shuttle,
    and they come to an end without hope.
⁷ Remember, O God, that my life is but a breath;
    my eyes will never see happiness again.
⁸ The eye that now sees me will see me no longer;
    you will look for me, but I will be no more.
⁹ As a cloud vanishes and is gone,
    so one who goes down to the grave does not return.
¹⁰ He will never come to his house again;
    his place will know him no more.

¹¹ “Therefore I will not keep silent;
    I will speak out in the anguish of my spirit,
    I will complain in the bitterness of my soul.
¹² Am I the sea, or the monster of the deep,
    that you put me under guard?
¹³ When I think my bed will comfort me
    and my couch will ease my complaint,
¹⁴ even then you frighten me with dreams
    and terrify me with visions,
¹⁵ so that I prefer strangling and death,
    rather than this body of mine.
¹⁶ I despise my life; I would not live forever.
    Let me alone; my days have no meaning.

¹⁷ “What is mankind that you make so much of them,
    that you give them so much attention,
¹⁸ that you examine them every morning
    and test them every moment?
¹⁹ Will you never look away from me,
    or let me alone even for an instant?
²⁰ If I have sinned, what have I done to you,
    you who see everything we do?
Why have you made me your target?
    Have I become a burden to you?^[a]
21 Why do you not pardon my offenses
    and forgive my sins?
For I will soon lie down in the dust;
    you will search for me, but I will be no more.”

Jonah 4:1-11

But to Jonah this seemed very wrong, and he became angry. ² He prayed to the Lord, “Isn’t this what I said, Lord, when I was still at home? That is what I tried to forestall by fleeing to Tarshish. I knew that you are a gracious and compassionate God, slow to anger and abounding in love, a God who relents from sending calamity. ³ Now, Lord, take away my life, for it is better for me to die than to live.”

⁴ But the Lord replied, “Is it right for you to be angry?”

⁵ Jonah had gone out and sat down at a place east of the city. There he made himself a shelter, sat in its shade and waited to see what would happen to the city. ⁶ Then the Lord God provided a leafy plant^[a] and made it grow up over Jonah to give shade for his head to ease his discomfort, and Jonah was very happy about the plant. ⁷ But at dawn the next day God provided a worm, which chewed the plant so that it withered. ⁸ When the sun rose, God provided a scorching east wind, and the sun blazed on Jonah’s head so that he grew faint. He wanted to die, and said, “It would be better for me to die than to live.”

⁹ But God said to Jonah, “Is it right for you to be angry about the plant?”

“It is,” he said. “And I’m so angry I wish I were dead.”

¹⁰ But the Lord said, “You have been concerned about this plant, though you did not tend it or make it grow. It sprang up overnight and died overnight. ¹¹ And should I not have concern for the great city of Nineveh, in which there are more than a hundred and twenty thousand people who cannot tell their right hand from their left—and also many animals?”

I Kings 19:1-18

Now Ahab told Jezebel everything Elijah had done and how he had killed all the prophets with the sword. ² So Jezebel sent a messenger to Elijah to say, “May the gods deal with me, be it ever so severely, if by this time tomorrow I do not make your life like that of one of them.”

³ Elijah was afraid^[a] and ran for his life. When he came to Beersheba in Judah, he left his servant there, ⁴ while he himself went a day’s journey into the wilderness. He came to a broom bush, sat down under it and prayed that he might die. “I have had enough, Lord,” he said. “Take my life; I am no better than my ancestors.” ⁵ Then he lay down under the bush and fell asleep.

All at once an angel touched him and said, “Get up and eat.” ⁶ He looked around, and there by his head was some bread baked over hot coals, and a jar of water. He ate and drank and then lay down again.

⁷ The angel of the Lord came back a second time and touched him and said, “Get up and eat, for the journey is too much for you.” ⁸ So he got up and ate and drank. Strengthened by that food, he traveled forty days and forty nights until he reached Horeb, the mountain of God. ⁹ There he went into a cave and spent the night.

The Lord Appears to Elijah

And the word of the Lord came to him: “What are you doing here, Elijah?”

¹⁰ He replied, “I have been very zealous for the Lord God Almighty. The Israelites have rejected your covenant, torn down your altars, and put your prophets to death with the sword. I am the only one left, and now they are trying to kill me too.”

¹¹ The Lord said, “Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the Lord, for the Lord is about to pass by.”

Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. ¹² After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. ¹³ When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave.

Then a voice said to him, “What are you doing here, Elijah?”

¹⁴ He replied, “I have been very zealous for the Lord God Almighty. The Israelites have rejected your covenant, torn down your altars, and put your prophets to death with the sword. I am the only one left, and now they are trying to kill me too.”

¹⁵ The Lord said to him, “Go back the way you came, and go to the Desert of Damascus. When you get there, anoint Hazael king over Aram. ¹⁶ Also, anoint Jehu son of Nimshi king over Israel, and anoint Elisha son of Shaphat from Abel Meholah to succeed you as prophet. ¹⁷ Jehu will put to death any who escape the sword of Hazael, and Elisha will put to death any who escape the sword of Jehu. ¹⁸ Yet I reserve seven thousand in Israel—all whose knees have not bowed down to Baal and whose mouths have not kissed him.”

Thoughts can be challenging and guided by Gary Chapman. Take time and evaluate our feelings to understand how we feel.

David discovered this devastating truth after with Bathsheba. The Lord forgave him for his treachery, but the effects of his sin – including his son Absalom’s rebellion (see 2 Samuel 15) – followed him the rest of his life.

Forgiveness does not remove all the hurt nor does it automatically restore loving feelings. But forgiveness is the first step in processing hurt and restoring love. There are no healthy marriages without sincere apologies and genuine forgiveness. If you learn how to apologize and forgive, you will have in place two of the major elements for building a successful marriage.

Take time in your prayers to thank God for the forgiveness He’s shown you. Ask Him to work in your relationship to create a spirit of forgiveness between you and your loved one. Ask Him to give you the patience and strength to withstand the consequences of broken trust.

Reflect on:

When have you suffered consequences as a result of someone else’s wrongdoing?

What effect did that experience have on you?

How can you tell if your spouse’s apology is sincere?

Consider these passages for further study on Consequences:

Matthew 6:14-15

“Yes, if you forgive others for their sins, your Father in heaven will also forgive you for your sins. But if you don’t forgive others, your Father in heaven will not forgive your sins.”
‭‭Matthew‬ ‭6‬:‭14‬-‭15‬ ‭NCV‬‬
https://bible.com/bible/105/mat.6.14-15.NCV

Romans 6:23

“The payment for sin is death. But God gives us the free gift of life forever in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
‭‭Romans‬ ‭6‬:‭23‬ ‭NCV‬‬
https://bible.com/bible/105/rom.6.23.NCV

Galatians 6:7-8

“Do not be fooled: You cannot cheat God. People harvest only what they plant. If they plant to satisfy their sinful selves, their sinful selves will bring them ruin. But if they plant to please the Spirit, they will receive eternal life from the Spirit.”
‭‭Galatians‬ ‭6‬:‭7‬-‭8‬ ‭NCV‬‬
https://bible.com/bible/105/gal.6.7-8.NCV

2 Samuel 15:1-37

“After this, Absalom got a chariot and horses for himself and fifty men to run before him. Absalom would get up early and stand near the city gate. Anyone who had a problem for the king to settle would come here. When someone came, Absalom would call out and say, “What city are you from?” The person would answer, “I’m from one of the tribes of Israel.” Then Absalom would say, “Look, your claims are right, but the king has no one to listen to you.” Absalom would also say, “I wish someone would make me judge in this land! Then people with problems could come to me, and I could help them get justice.” People would come near Absalom to bow to him. When they did, Absalom would reach out his hand and take hold of them and kiss them. Absalom did that to all the Israelites who came to King David for decisions. In this way, Absalom stole the hearts of all Israel. After four years Absalom said to King David, “Please let me go to Hebron. I want to carry out my promise that I made to the Lord while I was living in Geshur in Aram. I said, ‘If the Lord takes me back to Jerusalem, I will worship him in Hebron.’ ” The king said, “Go in peace.” So Absalom went to Hebron. But he sent secret messengers through all the tribes of Israel. They told the people, “When you hear the trumpets, say this: ‘Absalom is the king at Hebron!’ ” Absalom had invited two hundred men to go with him. So they went from Jerusalem with him, but they didn’t know what he was planning. While Absalom was offering sacrifices, he sent for Ahithophel, one of the people who advised David, to come from his hometown of Giloh. So Absalom’s plans were working very well. More and more people began to support him. A messenger came to David, saying, “The Israelites are giving their loyalty to Absalom.” Then David said to all his officers who were with him in Jerusalem, “We must leave quickly! If we don’t, we won’t be able to get away from Absalom. We must hurry before he catches us and destroys us and kills the people of Jerusalem.” The king’s officers said to him, “We will do anything you say.” The king set out with everyone in his house, but he left ten slave women to take care of the palace. The king left with all his people following him, and they stopped at a house far away. All the king’s servants passed by him—the Kerethites and Pelethites, all those from Gath, and the six hundred men who had followed him. The king said to Ittai, a man from Gath, “Why are you also going with us? Turn back and stay with King Absalom because you are a foreigner. This is not your homeland. You joined me only a short time ago. Should I make you wander with us when I don’t even know where I’m going? Turn back and take your brothers with you. May kindness and loyalty be shown to you.” But Ittai said to the king, “As surely as the Lord lives and as you live, I will stay with you, whether it means life or death.” David said to Ittai, “Go, march on.” So Ittai from Gath and all his people with their children marched on. All the people cried loudly as everyone passed by. King David crossed the Kidron Valley, and then all the people went on to the desert. Zadok and all the Levites with him carried the Ark of the Agreement with God. They set it down, and Abiathar offered sacrifices until all the people had left the city. The king said to Zadok, “Take the Ark of God back into the city. If the Lord is pleased with me, he will bring me back and will let me see both it and Jerusalem again. But if the Lord says he is not pleased with me, I am ready. He can do what he wants with me.” The king also said to Zadok the priest, “Aren’t you a seer? Go back to the city in peace and take your son Ahimaaz and Abiathar’s son Jonathan with you. I will wait near the crossings into the desert until I hear from you.” So Zadok and Abiathar took the Ark of God back to Jerusalem and stayed there. David went up the Mount of Olives, crying as he went. He covered his head and went barefoot. All the people with David covered their heads also and cried as they went. Someone told David, “Ahithophel is one of the people with Absalom who made secret plans against you.” So David prayed, “Lord, please make Ahithophel’s advice foolish.” When David reached the top of the mountain where people used to worship God, Hushai the Arkite came to meet him. Hushai’s coat was torn, and there was dirt on his head to show how sad he was. David said to Hushai, “If you go with me, you will be just one more person for me to take care of. But if you return to the city, you can make Ahithophel’s advice useless. Tell Absalom, ‘I am your servant, my king. In the past I served your father, but now I will serve you.’ The priests Zadok and Abiathar will be with you. Tell them everything you hear in the royal palace. Zadok’s son Ahimaaz and Abiathar’s son Jonathan are with them. Send them to tell me everything you hear.” So David’s friend Hushai entered Jerusalem just as Absalom arrived.”
‭‭2 Samuel‬ ‭15‬:‭1‬-‭37‬ ‭NCV‬‬
https://bible.com/bible/105/2sa.15.1-37.NCV

Great thoughts of Gary Chapman sharing how to have more confidence in forgiveness when it is one of the hardest things to do. Evaluate your life today and m

In a remarkable dialogue in Genesis, Abraham pleaded with God to spare Sodom and Gomorrah for the sake of fifty, forty-five, forty, thirty, twenty, or ten righteous people living in the city. God agreed. When ten righteous people were not found, God delivered Abraham’s nephew Lot and his two daughters (see Genesis 18:16-19:20).

After the Israelites worshiped the golden calf; God in His holy anger was poised to destroy them. Moses interceded, pleading for mercy, and God relented (see Exodus 32:7-14, 30-25),

Covered in burlap and ashes, Daniel pleaded with God, confessing his sins and the sins of Israel, begging for God’s mercy after the Babylonian captivity (see Daniel 9:1-19)

Jesus prayed for Peter, that his faith would not fail under testing (see Luke 22:31-32), and Jesus even interceded for us (see John 17:20-22).

The model of intercessory prayer appears throughout Scripture, showing us the power of humble, loving prayer for others.

Spend more time with God in intercessory prayer. Assume a humble posture. Express your dependence on Him. Plead on behalf of another who desperately needs His work of healing, restoration, or transformation in his or her life. Like Joshua, humbly listen for God’s response.

Take more time to reflect on these questions:

1. What does the story of Achan’s sin reveal about God?
2. Why is intercession an act of love?
3. At some point in your life, who has interceded on your behalf? For who have you interceded?

Consider these passages for further study on Prayer:

Ephesians 6:18 And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people.

I Timothy 2:1-5  I urge, then, first of all, that petitions, prayers, intercession, and thanksgiving be made for all people— ² for kings and all those in authority, that we may live peaceful and quiet lives in all godliness and holiness. ³ This is good and pleases God our Savior, ⁴ who wants all people to be saved and to come to a knowledge of the truth. ⁵ For there is one God and one mediator between God and mankind, the man Christ Jesus,

James 5:13-16 Is anyone among you in trouble? Let them pray. Is anyone happy? Let them sing songs of praise. ¹⁴ Is anyone among you sick? Let them call the elders of the church to pray over them and anoint them with oil in the name of the Lord. ¹⁵ And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise them up. If they have sinned, they will be forgiven. ¹⁶ Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.

Joshua 7:1-16

But the Israelites were unfaithful in regard to the devoted things^[a]; Achan son of Karmi, the son of Zimri,^[b] the son of Zerah, of the tribe of Judah, took some of them. So the Lord’s anger burned against Israel.

² Now Joshua sent men from Jericho to Ai, which is near Beth Aven to the east of Bethel, and told them, “Go up and spy out the region.” So the men went up and spied out Ai.

³ When they returned to Joshua, they said, “Not all the army will have to go up against Ai. Send two or three thousand men to take it and do not weary the whole army, for only a few people live there.” ⁴ So about three thousand went up; but they were routed by the men of Ai, ⁵ who killed about thirty-six of them. They chased the Israelites from the city gate as far as the stone quarries and struck them down on the slopes. At this, the hearts of the people melted in fear and became like water.

⁶ Then Joshua tore his clothes and fell facedown to the ground before the ark of the Lord, remaining there till evening. The elders of Israel did the same and sprinkled dust on their heads. 7 And Joshua said, “Alas, Sovereign Lord, why did you ever bring these people across the Jordan to deliver us into the hands of the Amorites to destroy us? If only we had been content to stay on the other side of the Jordan! ⁸ Pardon your servant, Lord. What can I say, now that Israel has been routed by its enemies? ⁹ The Canaanites and the other people of the country will hear about this and they will surround us and wipe out our name from the earth. What then will you do for your own great name?”

¹⁰ The Lord said to Joshua, “Stand up! What are you doing down on your face? ¹¹ Israel has sinned; they have violated my covenant, which I commanded them to keep. They have taken some of the devoted things; they have stolen, they have lied, and they have put them with their own possessions. ¹² That is why the Israelites cannot stand against their enemies; they turn their backs and run because they have been made liable to destruction. I will not be with you anymore unless you destroy whatever among you is devoted to destruction.

¹³ “Go, consecrate the people. Tell them, ‘Consecrate yourselves in preparation for tomorrow; for this is what the Lord, the God of Israel, says: There are devoted things among you, Israel. You cannot stand against your enemies until you remove them.

¹⁴ “‘In the morning, present yourselves tribe by tribe. The tribe the Lord chooses shall come forward clan by clan; the clan the Lord chooses shall come forward family by family; and the family the Lord chooses shall come forward man by man. ¹⁵ Whoever is caught with the devoted things shall be destroyed by fire, along with all that belongs to him. He has violated the covenant of the Lord and has done an outrageous thing in Israel!’”

¹⁶ Early the next morning Joshua had Israel come forward by tribes, and Judah was chosen.

I pray for others every day. In fact, my family comes first usually in my prayers. I pray for the safety of my daughter and for her to heal from her missing tastes. She has trouble tasting some of her favorite foods like cheese and chocolate and prays she will get her senses back one day. I pray for the health of my boyfriend, Vincent, so he is healed of his kidney disease. I pray for my health that I can go back to my healthy weight as well. I pray for the health of my parents and that we always make wise choices that keep our love for Christ first. Always keeping others first helps me stay aligned as well. Who do you pray for?

The Lord said to Moses, “Chisel out two stone tablets like the first ones, and I will write on them the words that were on the first tablets, which you broke. ² Be ready in the morning and then come up on Mount Sinai. Present yourself to me there on top of the mountain. ³ No one is to come with you or be seen anywhere on the mountain; not even the flocks and herds may graze in front of the mountain.”

⁴ So Moses chiseled out two stone tablets like the first ones and went up Mount Sinai early in the morning, as the Lord had commanded him; and he carried the two stone tablets in his hands. ⁵ Then the Lord came down in the cloud and stood there with him and proclaimed his name, the Lord. ^6. He passed in front of Moses, declaring, “The Lord, the Lord, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness, ⁷ maintaining love to thousands, and forgiving wickedness, rebellion, and sin. Yet he does not leave the guilty unpunished; he punishes the children and their children for the parents’ sin to the third and fourth generation.”

⁸ Moses bowed to the ground at once and worshiped. ⁹ “Lord,” he said, “if I have found favor in your eyes, then let the Lord go with us. Although this is a stiff-necked people, forgive our wickedness and our sin, and take us as your inheritance.”

God’s long-suffering forgiveness of His people serves as an example to anyone who’s harboring resentment toward his or her loved ones, especially if those loved ones are parents. Estrangement from our parents can have a devasting effect on our lives and seriously hinder our efforts to be godly parents ourselves. Unresolved issues must be addressed.

The long road to recovery begins with confrontation and forgiveness. Once we have forgiven parents for past failures, we are free to begin to develop trust and restore friendships. But what if parents, when confronted, deny that they did anything wrong? Or what if parents are already deceased? In both cases the approach is the same: you release them to God who judges rightly, and you release to God (who knows and understands) your anger and bitterness.

We cannot erase all the scars from past hurts, but we can experience freedom from the bondage of bitterness. Freedom comes from forgiving our parents. Forgiveness is the higher road; it opens the way to reconciliation and closeness, and it releases us from bitterness.

Take time to pray to the Lord for any unresolved issues you have with your parents. Ask the Lord for the strength to confront those issues; forgive past wrongs, and lay the groundwork for reconciliation.

Reflect on these questions:

How have unresolved issues from the past affected your relationships? How have they affected your relationship with your children?

How can you apply God’s model of long-suffering forgiveness to your relationship with your parents or other family members?

What specific steps can you take to facilitate a healthy relationship between your loved ones and their parents?

Consider these passages for further study on Forgiveness:

Psalm 103:8-12 The Lord is compassionate and gracious,
    slow to anger, abounding in love.
⁹ He will not always accuse,
    nor will he harbor his anger forever;
¹⁰ he does not treat us as our sins deserve
    or repay us according to our iniquities.
¹¹ For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
    so great is his love for those who fear him;
¹² as far as the east is from the west,
    so far has he removed our transgressions from us?

Matthew 5:22-24

But I tell you that anyone who is angry with a brother or sister^[a][b] will be subject to judgment. Again, anyone who says to a brother or sister, ‘Raca,’^[c] is answerable to the court. And anyone who says, ‘You fool!’ will be in danger of the fire of hell.

²³ “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, ²⁴ leave your gift there in front of the altar. First, go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.

Ephesians 4:31-32 Get rid of all bitterness, rage, and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. ³² Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

Great thoughts of Gary Chapman.