Try beginning your conversation with God with these words: “Father, I want to know what You would say to me this day. As I read this passage in Your Word, bring to my mind the things You want me to hear.”

Read the Bible passage with pen in hand, marking those things that stand out. If necessary, read it a second time, saying, “Lord, I’m not sure I understood what You were saying. Please clarify what’s on Your mind for me.”

After you complete the passage, talk to God about what you’ve underlined. If that’s what God is saying to you, you want to respond. Many people read the Bible and then pray about something totally unrelated to what they read. Nothing could be more discourteous. We wouldn’t treat a friend like that. If a friend makes a statement, we have a response to what He is saying.

Take time to pray and thank God that you may never have to guess what He wants from you, that He always speaks to you through His Word. Ask Him to bless your efforts to create a listening atmosphere in your quiet time.

Reflect on these questions:

Are your quiet times more effective when you do them individually or together? Explain.

What prevents you from listening closely to God?

Consider these passages for further study on Listening to God.

Psalm 143:8

“Tell me in the morning about your love, because I trust you. Show me what I should do, because my prayers go up to you.”
‭‭

Lamentations 3:25

“The Lord is good to those who hope in him, to those who seek him.”
‭‭‬ ‭NCV‬‬

Habakkuk 2:1

“I will stand like a guard to watch and place myself at the tower. I will wait to see what he will say to me; I will wait to learn how God will answer my complaint.”
‭‭‬ ‭NCV‬‬

Good thoughts of Gary Chapman to be aware of how much we listen and explain to others what we learn.

For example, if your (or your spouse’s) primary love language is quality time, you’ll find a way to have quality conversations with God that fits your lifestyle. Variety in time, place, and method may enhance your experience. If you’re an indoor person, try having quality time with God outdoors, even in challenging weather. Talking to God in the rain can be a rewarding experience if you acknowledge that He is the God who sends the rain.

If your schedule is filled, then skipping lunch and using the time to be alone with God may be more filling than the best steak you’ve ever tasted. Finding a time and a place may be difficult in our fast-paced world, but the heart that longs for God will make time for Him.

Remember the psalmist’s words: “As the deer longs for streams of water, so I long for you, O God. I thirst for God, the living God. When can I go and stand before him?” (Psalm 42:1-2).

Take some time to pray individually or as a couple. As you talk to the Lord…

Thank Him for the privilege of coming to Him in prayer.

Ask Him to help you encourage each other to use your individual love language to connect with Him.

Ask Him to bless your efforts to have a deeper relationship with Him.

If you have more time, discuss together or reflect on these questions:

When was the last time you longed for God in the way the psalmist described?

How can you use your primary love language to connect with God?

How can your spouse use his or her primary love language to connect with God?

Consider these passages for further study on quality time with God:

Exodus 15:2 “The Lord is my strength and my defense^[a];
    he has become my salvation.
He is my God, and I will praise him,
    my father’s God, and I will exalt him.

Matthew 6:31-33 ³¹ So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ ³² For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. ³³ But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

Luke11:11-13 ¹¹ “Which of you fathers, if your son asks for^[a] a fish, will give him a snake instead? ¹² Or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? ¹³ If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!”

Psalm 42:1-11 For the director of music. A maskil^[c] of the Sons of Korah.

¹ As the deer pants for streams of water,
    so my soul pants for you, my God.
² My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.
    When can I go and meet with God?
³ My tears have been my food
    day and night,
while people say to me all day long,
    “Where is your God?”
⁴ These things I remember
    as I pour out my soul:
how I used to go to the house of God
    under the protection of the Mighty One^[d]
with shouts of joy and praise
    among the festive throng.

⁵ Why, my soul, are you downcast?
    Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
    for I will yet praise him,
    my Savior and my God.

⁶ My soul is downcast within me;
    therefore I will remember you
from the land of the Jordan,
    the heights of Hermon—from Mount Mizar.
⁷ Deep calls to deep
    in the roar of your waterfalls;
all your waves and breakers
    have swept over me.

⁸ By day the Lord directs his love,
    at night his song is with me—
    a prayer to the God of my life.

⁹ I say to God my Rock,
    “Why have you forgotten me?
Why must I go about mourning,
    oppressed by the enemy?”
¹⁰ My bones suffer mortal agony
    as my foes taunt me,
saying to me all day long,
    “Where is your God?”

¹¹ Why, my soul, are you downcast?
    Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
    for I will yet praise him,
    my Savior and my God.

Great thoughts from Gary Chapman. They show a priority: we should be aware of the quality time we spend with the Lord.

Those are strong words – words to which you can anchor your parenting philosophy. “I have never seen the godly abandoned.” Troubles will come and go; God will not. No matter what your situation is now or will be in the future, God will never forsake you. He will always be there for you and see you through to the end. As you raise your children, you’ll find countless opportunities to develop the spiritual aspects of their lives – and your own. Don’t pass them up.

“Their children are a blessing.” As you watch your children grow and mature, you will be heartened to see that God is keeping His promises and blessing your children.

Take some time to pray individually or as a couple. Thank God for providing an example of loving parenthood for you to follow. Ask Him to give the two of you a big-picture view of parenting so that you don’t get bogged down in your day-to-day struggles.

Take time to discuss together or reflect on these questions:

Describe your relationship with your heavenly Father.

Which characteristics of God do you see in your spouse’s parenting style?

Which characteristics of God would you like to incorporate into your parenting style?

Consider these passages for further study on parenting:

Deuteronomy 4:9-10

Only be careful, and watch yourselves closely so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them fade from your heart as long as you live. Teach them to your children and to their children after them. ¹⁰ Remember the day you stood before the Lord your God at Horeb, when he said to me, “Assemble the people before me to hear my words so that they may learn to revere me as long as they live in the land and may teach them to their children.”

Proverbs 22:6 Start children off on the way they should go,
    and even when they are old they will not turn from it.

Ephesians 6:4 Fathers,^[a] do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.

It takes studying and watching positive models to be an encouragement to be a positive parent. We often hear controlling and horrible stories of how families live in different cultures. Let’s embrace love first, and the Lord will bless us—great thoughts of Gary Chapman.

Only through the healing act of confession could David be restored to a right relationship with God and live as the man God had called him to be.

The feeling of being wronged by a spouse can cloud the marriage relationship. But when we, motivated by love, confront our spouse, receive their apology, and forgive, we free them from their burden, as the Lord freed David, and we can go on to rebuild trust and health in the relationship.

Of course, it is tempting when we’ve been wronged to feel like the “good person “ in the marriage. But we too must confess our own sin and admit our own inadequacy. That will help us become more loving, free to forgive- as God has forgiven us.

Take time to pray, individually or as a couple. Acknowledge to the Lord that it’s easy to forget that He conflicts His people of sin because He loves us. Thank Himself for wanting you to be more like Him – and ask for His assistance as the two of you try it.

Take time to discuss and reflect on these questions:

What kind of offense is hardest for you to forgive? Why?

Why is it so difficult to give up moral superiority after you’ve been wronged?

What’s the most loving thing you can do after your spouse has wronged you?

Consider these passages for further study on Repentance and Forgiveness:

Psalm 51:1-19

“God, be merciful to me because you are loving. Because you are always ready to be merciful, wipe out all my wrongs. Wash away all my guilt and make me clean again. I know about my wrongs, and I can’t forget my sin. You are the only one I have sinned against; I have done what you say is wrong. You are right when you speak and fair when you judge. I was brought into this world in sin. In sin my mother gave birth to me. You want me to be completely truthful, so teach me wisdom. Take away my sin, and I will be clean. Wash me, and I will be whiter than snow. Make me hear sounds of joy and gladness; let the bones you crushed be happy again. Turn your face from my sins and wipe out all my guilt. Create in me a pure heart, God, and make my spirit right again. Do not send me away from you or take your Holy Spirit away from me. Give me back the joy of your salvation. Keep me strong by giving me a willing spirit. Then I will teach your ways to those who do wrong, and sinners will turn back to you. God, save me from the guilt of murder, God of my salvation, and I will sing about your goodness. Lord, let me speak so I may praise you. You are not pleased by sacrifices, or I would give them. You don’t want burnt offerings. The sacrifice God wants is a broken spirit. God, you will not reject a heart that is broken and sorry for sin. Do whatever good you wish for Jerusalem. Rebuild the walls of Jerusalem. Then you will be pleased with right sacrifices and whole burnt offerings, and bulls will be offered on your altar.‬‬

Romans 2:4

Don’t you see how wonderfully kind, tolerant, and patient God is with you? Does this mean nothing to you? Can’t you see that his kindness is intended to turn you from your sin?

1 John 1:9

If anyone claims, “I am living in the light,” but hates a Christian brother or sister, that person is still living in darkness.

We are not perfect and recognizing when we realize we have done wrong. The Lord is merciful and gives us grace and wisdom to forgive. Making opportunities to set things right. Being patient to live in faith. Great thoughts of Gary Chapman.

The Bible is filled with God’s words of affirmation. He verbalized His love to us in John 3:16 and dozens of other passages. We need to look no further than Christmas for evidence of God’s gift-giving. Ephesians 2:4-6 reminds us that He gave us the greatest gift when He sent His Son.

His act of service is what the cross is all about. Romans 5:8 tells us Christ paid our penalty. Follow the life of Jesus, and you’ll see Him demonstrating physical touch over and over again. And passages such as James 4:8 clarify that God is ready to spend quality time with all who want it. Turn your thoughts toward Him, and you’ll find His thoughts are already on you.

Since God is fluent in all five love languages, He is uniquely equipped to help you discover yours – or your spouse’s.

Take time to talk to the Lord…

Thank Him for the variety of ways in which He communicates to you;

Ask Him to give you the wisdom to recognize His love, even when it’s communicated in a language you don’t speak;

Ask Him to guide you in helping others recognize and understand God’s love languages.

Reflect on questions about your application to love languages.

Give an example of a time God communicated to you in your primary love language.

Which love language is most difficult for you to understand? Why?

How can you help your spouse or kids recognize God’s love?

Consider these passages for further study of God’s Love.

Zephaniah 3:17 For the Lord your God is living among you. He is a mighty savior. He will take delight in you with gladness. With his love, he will calm all your fears. He will rejoice over you with joyful songs.

Galatians 2:20 My old self has been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. So I live in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.

I John 4:7-8 Dear friends, let us continue to love one another, for love comes from God. But anyone who does not love does not know God, for God is love.

Spiritual intimacy is created by discussing thoughts about spiritual realities. For example, a wife reads Psalm 23 and is intrigues by the personal pronouns: “The Lord is my shepherd; I have all that I need” (Psalm 23:1). She discusses it with her husband, and he tells her about his experience with a shepherd in Australia. They experience spiritual intimacy.

Shared experiences foster spiritual intimacy. A husband and wife attend worship services together, share a hymn book, and sing the same words. They take notes from the pastor’s sermon. On the way home, they talk about the service. They are building spiritual intimacy.

Praying together is another way of building spiritual intimacy. Two people joining in honest personal prayer will discover a deep spiritual unity. If you find it uncomfortable to verbalize prayers in front of your spouse, try silent praying. Though no words are uttered audibly, your hearts will move closer to each other, and you will experience spiritual intimacy.

Take time to pray and bring to the Lord the obstacles that prevent you from experiencing spiritual intimacy with each other. Ask Him to give you the wisdom and resolve to overcome those obstacles and become spiritually intimate.

Take time to discuss and reflect on these questions:

When did you last have a really good conversation about spiritual things?

When do you feel most spiritually intimate with each other?

What keeps you from being more spiritually intimate with each other?

Consider these passages for further study on Spiritual intimacy:

Genesis 2:18-25 ¹⁸ The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”

¹⁹ Now the Lord God had formed out of the ground all the wild animals and all the birds in the sky. He brought them to the man to see what he would name them; and whatever the man called each living creature, that was its name. ²⁰ So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds in the sky and all the wild animals.

But for Adam^[a] no suitable helper was found. ²¹ So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs^[b] and then closed up the place with flesh. ²² Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib^[c] he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.

²³ The man said,

“This is now bone of my bones
    and flesh of my flesh;
she shall be called ‘woman,’
    for she was taken out of man.”

²⁴ That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.

²⁵ Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.

Philippians 3:7-11 ⁷ But whatever were gains to me I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. ⁸ What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ ⁹ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in^[a] Christ—the righteousness that comes from God on the basis of faith. ¹⁰ I want to know Christ—yes, to know the power of his resurrection and participation in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, ¹¹ and so, somehow, attaining to the resurrection from the dead.

1 Peter 3:7-12 ⁷ Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.

Suffering for Doing Good

⁸ Finally, all of you, be like-minded, be sympathetic, love one another, be compassionate and humble. ⁹ Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult. On the contrary, repay evil with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing. ¹⁰ For,

“Whoever would love life
    and see good days
must keep their tongue from evil
    and their lips from deceitful speech.
¹¹ They must turn from evil and do good;
    they must seek peace and pursue it.
¹² For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous
    and his ears are attentive to their prayer,
but the face of the Lord is against those who do evil.”^[a]

Psalm 23:1-6

Find ways to make you comfortable sharing spiritual conversations with those you love.

How do you enhance spiritual intimacy with your spouse? It may be as simple as sharing your response to the Sunday morning sermon, especially if you share something that you will try to apply to your own life.

It may be sharing something you read in the Bible in your personal quiet time with God. One thing you don’t want to do is preach to your spouse. Share with him or her something meaningful to you, not something you think your spouse should apply to his or her life. Praying together is also a way to build spiritual intimacy, even if you hold hands and pray silently. Joining hands means that you are also joining hearts. Coming to God together builds intimacy.

Take time to pray individually or as a couple. Thank God for your loved ones and His plans for you to share spiritual intimacy. Ask Him to bless your efforts to develop or enhance your spiritual intimacy with each other – and with Him.

Take time to discuss together or reflect on these questions:

How do you encourage spiritual intimacy in your spouse?

How does your spouse encourage spiritual intimacy in you?

What’s the difference between sharing something with your spouse and preaching to him or her?

Consider these passages for further study on Spiritual Intimacy:

Psalm 23:1-6 A psalm of David.

¹ The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.
²     He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
³     he refreshes my soul.
He guides me along the right paths
    for his name’s sake.
⁴ Even though I walk
    through the darkest valley,^[a]
I will fear no evil,
    for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
    they comfort me.

⁵ You prepare a table before me
    in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
    my cup overflows.
⁶ Surely your goodness and love will follow me
    all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the Lord
    forever.

John 4:23-24 Yet a time is coming and has now come when the true worshipers will worship the Father in the Spirit and in truth, for they are the kind of worshipers the Father seeks. ²⁴ God is spirit, and his worshipers must worship in the Spirit and in truth.”

Colossians 3:16-17 ¹⁶ Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts. ¹⁷ And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

Psalm 1:1-6 Psalm 1

¹ Blessed is the one
    who does not walk in step with the wicked
or stand in the way that sinners take
    or sit in the company of mockers,
² but whose delight is in the law of the Lord,
    and who meditates on his law day and night.
³ That person is like a tree planted by streams of water,
    which yields its fruit in season
and whose leaf does not wither—
    whatever they do prospers.

⁴ Not so the wicked!
    They are like chaff
    that the wind blows away.
⁵ Therefore the wicked will not stand in the judgment,
    nor sinners in the assembly of the righteous.

⁶ For the Lord watches over the way of the righteous,
    but the way of the wicked leads to destruction.

Applying spiritual intimacy can increase your relationship with the Lord and with yourself. Challenge yourself to find more ways to increase spiritual intimacy with those around you to keep yourself spiritually strong. Gary Chapman‘s thoughts are great.

The book of Job gives illustrations of poor listening. As Job suffered with illness, grief, and loss, he maintained his good standing before God. But his “friends” brushed him off and insisted that he must have committed some great sin for God to allow him to suffer so much. Finally, after enduring many speeches, Job became fed up. We can hear his frustration in Job 31:35; “If only someone would listen to me!”

God listeners will never share their ideas until they are sure that they understand what the other person is.. In marriage, this is extremely important. Ask questions, repeat what you think your spouse is saying, and ask, “Am I understanding you?” If your spouse says yes, then and only then are you ready to move on. You might say, “I really appreciate your being open with me. Now that I understand where you’re coming from, may I share what I was thinking?” At this point, your spouse will hear your perspective, because you have first taken the time to really hear what he or she was saying.

Take time to pray.

Emphasize to the Lord that you want to be a good and thoughtful listener. Ask Him to help you retain from expressing your opinions too soon or too strongly. Ask Him to give you ears to listen well.

Discuss and reflect on these questions:

How would you rate yourself as a listener? Why?

How would your spouse rate you as a listener? Why?

Describe the effect that an interruption has on a conversation – from the listener’s perspective as well as the speaker’s.

Consider these passages for further study on listening:

Proverbs 15:2 The tongue of the wise makes knowledge appealing, but the mouth of a fool belches out foolishness.

Ecclesiastes 5:2 Don’t make rush promises, and don’t be hasty in bringing matters before God, After all, God is in heaven, and you are here on earth. So let your words be few.

James 1:19 Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.

Job 31:35 “If only someone would listen to me! Look, I will sign my name to my defense. Let the Almighty answer me. Let my accuser write out the charges against me.

When you don’t feel heard, trust in the Lord. When you don’t know what to do, trust in the Lord. He may not directly tell you what to do, yet he hears that you are trying to make the right decision. Great thoughts of Gary Chapman and helped me realize we don

God intends negative and positive emotions to serve as motivational instruments that move us in a positive direction. Whatever emotions we experience are good if they move in the right direction. The emotions themselves are neutral; the results will be positive or negative.

Many Christians deny that they have negative emotions. Others try to push their negative emotions onto the back burner and disregard them. Identifying and accepting our feelings and seeking constructive ways of responding is far more productive. Feelings are like thermometers. They report whether we are hot or cold, whether all is well. If all is well, we can celebrate. If everything is not going well, we can take positive action to correct the situation.

Giving emotional support to your spouse begins by allowing positive and negative emotions. To paraphrase Romans 12:15, it is happy with those who are happy and weep with those who weep.

Take time to thank God for giving you Jesus’ example in scripture of how to express emotions in a positive way. Ask Him to help you follow Jesus’ example of channeling your own emotions into positive results.

Discuss and reflect on these questions:

Describe a time when expressing your emotions got you into trouble.

Describe a time when expressing your emotions led to a positive outcome.

What were the differences between the two situations?

Consider these passages for further study on Emotions:

Galatians 5:16-24 ¹⁶ So I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. ¹⁷ For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever^[a] you want. ¹⁸ But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law.

¹⁹ The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; ²⁰ idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions ²¹ and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.

²² But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, ²³ gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. ²⁴ Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.

Ephesians 4:1-21 Unity and Maturity in the Body of Christ

4 As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. ² Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. ³ Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. ⁴ There is one body and one Spirit, just as you were called to one hope when you were called; ⁵ one Lord, one faith, one baptism; ⁶ one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all.

⁷ But to each one of us grace has been given as Christ apportioned it. ⁸ This is why it^[a] says:

“When he ascended on high,
    he took many captives
    and gave gifts to his people.”^[b]

⁹ (What does “he ascended” mean except that he also descended to the lower, earthly regions^[c]? ¹⁰ He who descended is the very one who ascended higher than all the heavens, in order to fill the whole universe.) ¹¹ So Christ himself gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the pastors and teachers, ¹² to equip his people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up ¹³ until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ.

¹⁴ Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of people in their deceitful scheming. ¹⁵ Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ. ¹⁶ From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work.

Instructions for Christian Living

¹⁷ So I tell you this, and insist on it in the Lord, that you must no longer live as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their thinking. ¹⁸ They are darkened in their understanding and separated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them due to the hardening of their hearts. ¹⁹ Having lost all sensitivity, they have given themselves over to sensuality so as to indulge in every kind of impurity, and they are full of greed.

²⁰ That, however, is not the way of life you learned ²¹ when you heard about Christ and were taught in him in accordance with the truth that is in Jesus.

2 Peter 1:5-9 ⁵ For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; ⁶ and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; ⁷ and to godliness, mutual affection; and to mutual affection, love. ⁸ For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. ⁹ But whoever does not have them is nearsighted and blind, forgetting that they have been cleansed from their past sins.

Job 15:1-35

Eliphaz

15 Then Eliphaz the Temanite replied:

² “Would a wise person answer with empty notions
    Or fill their belly with the hot east wind?
³ Would they argue with useless words,
    with speeches that have no value?
⁴ But you even undermine piety
    and hinder devotion to God.
⁵ Your sin prompts your mouth;
    you adopt the tongue of the crafty.
⁶ Your own mouth condemns you, not mine;
    your own lips testify against you.

⁷ “Are you the first man ever born?
    Were you brought forth before the hills?
⁸ Do you listen in on God’s council?
    Do you have a monopoly on wisdom?
⁹ What do you know that we do not know?
    What insights do you have that we do not have?
¹⁰ The gray-haired and the aged are on our side,
    men even older than your father.
¹¹ Are God’s consolations not enough for you,
    words spoken gently to you?
¹² Why has your heart carried you away,
    and why do your eyes flash,
¹³ so that you vent your rage against God
    and pour out such words from your mouth?

¹⁴ “What are mortals, that they could be pure,
    or those born of woman, that they could be righteous?
¹⁵ If God places no trust in his holy ones,
    if even the heavens are not pure in his eyes,
¹⁶ how much less mortals, who are vile and corrupt,
    who drink up evil like water!

¹⁷ “Listen to me, and I will explain to you;
    let me tell you what I have seen,
¹⁸ what the wise have declared,
    hiding nothing received from their ancestors
¹⁹ (to whom alone the land was given
    when no foreigners moved among them):
²⁰ All his days, the wicked man suffers torment,
    the ruthless man through all the years stored up for him.
²¹ Terrifying sounds fill his ears;
    when all seems well, marauders attack him.
²² He despairs of escaping the realm of darkness;
    he is marked for the sword.
²³ He wanders about for food like a vulture;
    he knows the day of darkness is at hand.
²⁴ Distress and anguish fill him with terror;
    troubles overwhelm him, like a king poised to attack,
²⁵ because he shakes his fist at God
    and vaunts himself against the Almighty,
²⁶ defiantly charging against him
    with a thick, strong shield.

27 “Though his face is covered with fat
    and his waist bulges with flesh,
28 he will inhabit ruined towns
    and houses where no one lives,
    houses crumbling to rubble.
29 He will no longer be rich, and his wealth will not endure,
    nor will his possessions spread over the land.
30 He will not escape the darkness;
    a flame will wither his shoots,
    and the breath of God’s mouth will carry him away.
31 Let him not deceive himself by trusting what is worthless,
    for he will get nothing in return.
32 Before his time, he will wither,
    and his branches will not flourish.
³³ He will be like a vine stripped of its unripe grapes,
    like an olive tree shedding its blossoms.
³⁴ For the company of the godless will be barren,
    and fire will consume the tents of those who love bribes.
³⁵ They conceive trouble and give birth to evil;
    their womb fashions deceit.”

Gary Chapman‘s great thoughts explain how our emotions are sensitive to our decisions. Being more aware of when our emotions lead our lives can help guide us to make stronger decisions.

The book of Job shows Job experiencing great physical suffering and intense emotions. The longer he talked without feeling as if someone was listening, the angrier and more frustrated he became. Look at his plea in Job 13:17: “Listen closely to what I am about to say. Hear me out.” A friend or spouse who listens effectively can have a significant impact.

The fourth step is to try to understand your spouse’s plight. Put yourself in your spouse’s shoes and try to look at the world through his or her eyes. Given your spouse’s personality, can you understand why he or she would be upset?

Once you’ve gained new understanding, step five is to express that understanding. For example, “Honey, I can understand why you’re angry. If I were in your shoes, I’d probably be angry also. It makes sense to me now.” In doing so, you cease to be an enemy and become a friend. And friends can help friends solve problems.

Take time to pray and ask God to:

Keep you from becoming your spouse’s adversary when he or she is angry.

Help you listen, understand, and communicate that understanding so that you can become your spouse’s friend.

Give you the patience and humility to work with your spouse to find a solution to the problem he or she is facing.

Discuss and reflect on these questions:

How good of a listener are you? In what areas do you need improvement?

How can you put yourself in your spouse’s shoes?

What would your spouse most like to hear from you when he or she is upset?

Consider these passages for further study on Empathy:

Matthew 7:12 So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.

John 15:12 My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you.

Ephesians 4:29 Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.

Job 13:17 Listen carefully to what I say;
    let my words ring in your ears.

Listening and patience are the skills that are easy to do yet takes lots of practice. How good are you?

Understanding how important it is to listen will go a long ways in other parts of your relationship. Start with a listening ear and you’ll be amazed on how everything comes together. Great thoughts of Gary Chapman setting our priorities with our listening ear.