The tongue of the wise makes knowledge appealing, but the mouth of a fool belches out foolishness.

Taking to heart the words of Proverbs 15:1-2 could make a big difference in your relationship. Love is a choice and cannot be coerced- but it can be put off by ill-chosen words.

Criticism and demands tend to drive wedges. With enough criticism, you may get acquiescence from your spouse. He or she may do what you want, but it will probably not be an expression of love. You can give guidance to love by making requests: “I cannot create the will to love. Each of us must decide daily to love or not to love our spouses.

People tend to criticize most loudly in the area where they themselves have the deepest emotional need. Their criticism is an ineffective way of pleading for love. If we understand way of pleading for love. If we understand that, it may help us process their criticism in a more productive manner. After we receive criticism from a loved one, it might be helpful to respond in this way: “It sounds like that’s extremely important to you. Could you explain why it’s so crucial?” Initially such a conversation may eventually turn the criticism into a request rather than a demand.

Take time to pray individually or together with others to talk to God about the way you and your loved one use criticism in your relationship. Ask Him to help you understand how to use the love language your responds to best.

Take time to discuss together or reflect on these questions:

Describe a time when a criticism or demand drove a wedge in your relationship.

What did you learn from that experience?

What will you do the next time your spouse confronts you about a criticism that stung him or her?

Consider these passages for further study on Criticism:

Zechariah 8:16 But this is what you must do: Tell the truth to each other. Render verdicts in your courts that are just and that lead to peace.

I John 3:18

Dear children, let’s not merely say that we love each other; let us show the truth by our actions.

Being strong in who and what we believe in. I always listen to see why they are critical to see if it’s a lesson to learn. In the matter of beliefs and values, pray to the Lord to keep your heart in the right direction.

Great thoughts of Gary Chapman. Keep your relationship with the Lord a priority.