This verse drives home the importance of marrying the right person. The key to avoiding the kind of relationship described in the verse is found a few verses earlier. Proverbs 25:11 extols the virtues of timely advice.

Timely advice is lovely, like golden apples in a silver basket.

All relationships involve change. Making change happen, though, is a delicate process. When you get ready to request a change from your loved one, it is extremely important that you choose your time and place and be sensitive to your spouse’s emotional state. The time should be after a meal, never before a meal. When we are hungry, we are irritable – and when we are irritable, it is difficult to take suggestions.

The place to make your request should always be in private, never in public. When you mention something in front of other people that you wish your loved one would change, it is a put-down, even if you couch it with humor. “My wife is not exactly a gourmet cook. Her specialty is hard-cooked, soft-boiled eggs.” Everyone in the group may laugh, but your wife gets the barb. Put-downs only stimulate resentment and revenge. If you want your spouse to accept your request, make it in private.

Take time to pray by yourself or others. Praise God for giving you your spouse as a partner for life. Ask Him to give you your spouse the wisdom, sensitivity, and good timing to talk about changes in a nonthreatening way.

Take time to reflect on these questions:

Have you ever tried to change someone who didn’t want to change? If so, what happened?

How often are the words “I was only joking” used in your relationship? How do you feel about that phrase?

Describe the ideal circumstances for you and your spouse to talk seriously about change.

Consider these passages for further study on change:

Romans 12:2 Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.

2 Corinthians 5:17 This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!

James 1:17 Whatever is good and perfect comes down to us from God our Father, who created or casts a shifting shadow.

Communicating is huge when you are working on change. Know what others want and what is comfortable to know what will be the hard part in making a change. When starting a change, it takes bravery to start it. Start with recognizing and sharing what you are grateful for before going through change and then manifest a statement of what you will be grateful for once you made the change.

Great thoughts of Gary Chapman to challenge you when you need to make change.