Being made in God’s image, we also should seek out reconciliation in our relationships. Conflict is inevitable; we will sin against each other. Then what? Do we resolve conflicts or become entrenched in arguing?

Often the difference between resolving conflicts and arguing is attitude. Why do people argue? In one word: rigidity. We adopt a rigid attitude and dig in our heels. In essence we’re saying, “My way is the right way, and if you don’t do it my way, then I will make your life miserable.” This reflects the attitude of arguers, people who insist on getting their own way.

Conflict resolvers have a different attitude. They say, in effect, “I’m sure we can work this out in a way that will be positive for both of us. Let’s think about it together.” Spouses who adopt this attitude are looking for a win-win resolution.

In the model in Isaiah 1, God, who was perfectly in the right, still extended Himself to resolve the conflict. May we do the same.

Take some time to pray individually or as a couple, asking God…

To help you become a conflict resolver, committed to restoring relationships.

To soften your heart when you become overly rigid.

To grow you into a person of unfailing love and faithfulness, perfectly in balance (see John 1:14).

If you have more time, discuss together or reflect on these questions:

What’s the difference between holding your ground on an important issue and being unreasonably rigid?

Reflect on your past arguments with your spouse. When was a time your spouse extended incredible grace to you, and committed to resolving the conflict?

In a heated argument, what are some concrete choices a conflict resolver would take?

Consider these passages for further study on conflict:

Proverbs 19:18-19 Discipline your children, for in that there is hope;
    do not be a willing party to their death.

¹⁹ A hot-tempered person must pay the penalty;
    rescue them, and you will have to do it again.

Habakkuk 1:3 Why do you make me look at injustice?
    Why do you tolerate wrongdoing?
Destruction and violence are before me;
    There is strife, and conflict abounds.

I Corinthians 6:1-11

Lawsuits Among Believers

6 If any of you has a dispute with another, do you dare to take it before the ungodly for judgment instead of before the Lord’s people? ² Or do you not know that the Lord’s people will judge the world? And if you are to judge the world, are you not competent to judge trivial cases? ³ Do you not know that we will judge angels? How much more the things of this life! ⁴ Therefore, if you have disputes about such matters, do you ask for a ruling from those whose way of life is scorned in the church? ⁵ I say this to shame you. Is it possible that there is nobody among you wise enough to judge a dispute between believers? ⁶ But instead, one brother takes another to court—and this in front of unbelievers!

⁷ The very fact that you have lawsuits among you means you have been completely defeated already. Why not rather be wronged? Why not rather be cheated? ⁸ Instead, you yourselves cheat and do wrong, and you do this to your brothers and sisters. ⁹ Or do you not know that wrongdoers will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor men who have sex with men^[a] 10 nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. ¹¹ And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.

Isaiah 1:15-20 When you spread out your hands in prayer,
    I hide my eyes from you;
even when you offer many prayers,
    I am not listening.

Your hands are full of blood!

¹⁶ Wash and make yourselves clean.
    Take your evil deeds out of my sight;
    stop doing wrong.
¹⁷ Learn to do right; seek justice.
    Defend the oppressed.^[a]
Take up the cause of the fatherless;
    plead the case of the widow.

¹⁸ “Come now, let us settle the matter,”
    says the Lord.
“Though your sins are like scarlet,
    they shall be as white as snow;
though they are red as crimson,
    they shall be like wool.
¹⁹ If you are willing and obedient,
    you will eat the good things of the land;
²⁰ but if you resist and rebel,
    you will be devoured by the sword.”
For the mouth of the Lord has spoken.

In challenging times, we are often more influenced by our emotions, and it can be challenging to control them. Breathing and taking a step back to evaluate the situation you’re in can give you a broader perspective on what’s needed.

Remember to keep the Lord first, and everything works out. Good guiding thoughts of Gary Chapman.