Whether you have children already or are considering having children in the future, it would be worth your while to make a list of “requirements” for being a good parent. Don’t let the word requirement put pressure or guilt on you as a caring parent. These “requirements” should help you feel good about your authority and role as a parent. Relax and really enjoy your children.

When you’re a fledgling parent, you may find yourself feeling insecure in your parenting. But once you understand what a child needs, you’ll find that it’s not that difficult to meet those “requirements.” The best news is that almost any caring parent is able to do this.

When you see that you are meeting those requirements, you can be assured that your child is receiving good parenting, and you can relax and enjoy your child. You will soon find that you are a better parent than you ever thought you could be.

Take time to pray and present your list of requirements to the Lord. Share any doubts or insecurities you may have about parenting. Ask Him to work in you so that you can become the parents your children need.

Take time to reflect on these questions:

How much pressure do you feel to be good parents?

Where does that pressure come from?

What evidence do you rely on in determining whether someone is a good parent or not?

Consider these passages for further study on parenting:

Deuteronomy 11:18-21 So commit yourself wholeheartedly to these words of mine. Tie them to your hands and wear them on your forehead as reminders. Teach them to your children. Talk about them when you are at home and when you are on the road, when you are going to bed and when you are getting up. Write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates, so that as long as the sky remains above the earth, you and your children may flourish in the land the Lord swore to give your ancestors.

Proverbs 19:18 Discipline your children while there is hope. Otherwise you will ruin their lives.

Proverbs 29:17 Discipline your children, and they will give you peace of mind and will make your heart glad.

Great thoughts of Gary Chapman.

The best thing we can do to our children is to be an example. Make sure they know we love them and do the best for them. It frustrates me when I see that some parent make decisions to make them look good and not putting or being aware that they are listening and putting their children first. The best interest for their children is put aside.

For some people, that kind of guidance seems to come naturally. For others, though, it takes a lot of practice – and usually a lot of trial and error. Where do the two of you fit on the continuum? What kind of teachers are you where your children are concerned?

Here’s a more sobering question: What if your children turn out to be just like you? Would you be concerned? If so, what steps do you need to take? What do you need to change in your parenting? Why not begin that change today?

God is available to help. He has loaded His Word with principles to guild you. He’s also surrounded you with friends, family, and fellow believers to assist you.

Tak time to pray and identify areas of your life in which you’ve failed to reach your potential. Confess any wrong attitudes or actions that have caused you to fail. Ask the Lord to give you the wisdom and courage to change those areas so that you may be a role model to your children.

Discuss and reflect on these questions:

Who do you look to as parenting role models – or simply as good parents?

How is your parenting style similar to theirs? How is it different?

How do the two of you complement each other as parents? In what areas are you both lacking?

Consider these passages for further study on parenting:

Deuteronomy 6:4-9 Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one.^[a] 5 Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. ⁶ These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. ⁷ Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. ⁸ Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. ⁹ Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.

Proverbs 1:8-9 Listen, my son, to your father’s instruction
    and do not forsake your mother’s teaching.
⁹ They are a garland to grace your head
    and a chain to adorn your neck.

Ephesians 6:1-4 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. ² “Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise— ³ “so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.”^[a]

⁴ Fathers,^[b] do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.

Psalm 124:1-8 If the Lord had not been on our side—
    let Israel say—
² if the Lord had not been on our side
    when people attacked us,
³ they would have swallowed us alive
    when their anger flared against us;
⁴ the flood would have engulfed us,
    the torrent would have swept over us,
⁵ the raging waters
    would have swept us away.

⁶ Praise be to the Lord,
    who has not let us be torn by their teeth.
⁷ We have escaped like a bird
    from the fowler’s snare;
the snare has been broken,
    and we have escaped.
⁸ Our help is in the name of the Lord,
    the Maker of heaven and earth.

Great devotional to evaluate of Gary Chapman.

Looking for examples of other great families and what they do to create valuable relationships helps understand actions to apply. Share what has helped you.

Would you like to change? You can! Repeat this Scripture aloud every morning: “This is the day the Lord has made. We will rejoice and be glad in it” (Psalm 118:24). If you proclaim this truth to yourself, you will begin to see God’s hand. And your relationships will improve.

Take time to pray, and in your prayer…

Take the words of Psalm 118:24 to heart. Rejoice in the day the Lord has given you;

Tell Him what you appreciate about it and why;

Show Him your thankfulness in no uncertain terms.

When you make time to discuss or reflect on these questions:

How would you describe your own outlook on life? Would your spouse agree?

How would you describe your spouse’s outlook on life? Would he or she agree?

How does your attitude affect the people around you?

Consider these passages for further study on rejoicing:

Psalm 5:11-12 But let all who take refuge in you be glad;
    let them ever sing for joy.
Spread your protection over them,
    that those who love your name may rejoice in you.

¹² Surely, Lord, you bless the righteous;
    you surround them with your favor as with a shield

Psalm 28:6-7 Praise be to the Lord,
    for he has heard my cry for mercy.
⁷ The Lord is my strength and my shield;
    my heart trusts in him, and he helps me.
My heart leaps for joy,
    and with my song I praise him.

Phillippians 4:4  Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!

It’s easier to control when you become more aware of your thoughts and language. Sometimes, others will make you aware. So, it’s great to catch it now and have a mindset of rejoicing in the Lord first. Rejoice and be grateful when you wake up and before you go to sleep. Great thoughts from Gary Chapman to help us know our priorities and focus first on the Lord.

In contrast, speaking of the God of Israel, he wrote, “O Israel, trust the Lord! He is your helper and your shield… the Lord remembers us and will bless us” (Psalm 115:9,12). Clearly, the God of Israel expressed His love by acts of service to those who called on Him.

As God’s people, you and your spouse can follow the Lord’s lead. Think about the people in your life to whom you can show acts of service. Who might benefit from your commitment to follow God’s example? How many lives can you change by reaching out to people in ways that make their lives easier? How can you be instruments of God’s grace? And how might the two of you grow closer in the process?

Take time to pray… and

Thank God for His acts of service on behalf of His people throughout the Bible;

Thank Him for His acts of service in your life and in your family;

Ask Him to bless your efforts to perform acts of service as a love language toward others.

Discuss and reflect on these questions:

Why is it so easy to forget the Lord’s past acts of service?

How can you keep those acts of service fresh in your minds?

How can you set an example for your children (or others) through acts of service?

Read these passages for further study on Acts of Service:

Matthew 5:13-16

You are the salt of the earth. But what good is salt if it has lost its flavor? Can you make it salty again? It will be thrown out and trampled underfoot as worthless. You are the light of the world – like a city on a hilltop that cannot be hidden. No one lights a lamp and then puts it under a basket. Instead, a lamp is placed on a stand, where it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your good deeds shine out for all to see, so that everyone will praise your Heavenly Father.

Philippians 2:1-4

Is there any encouragement from belonging to Christ? Any comfort from his love? Any fellowship together in the Spirit? Are your hearts tender and compassionate? Then make me truly happy by agreeing wholeheartedly with each other, loving one another, and working together with one mind and purpose.

Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.

I Peter 4:10-11

God has given each of you a gift from his great variety of spiritual gifts. Use them well to serve one another. Do you have the gift of helping others? Do it with all the strength and energy that God supplies. Then everything you do will bring glory to God through Jesus Christ. All glory and power to him forever and ever! Amen!

Psalm 115:1-18

“Not to us, Lord, not to us but to your name be the glory, because of your love and faithfulness. Why do the nations say, “Where is their God?” Our God is in heaven; he does whatever pleases him. But their idols are silver and gold, made by human hands. They have mouths, but cannot speak, eyes, but cannot see. They have ears, but cannot hear, noses, but cannot smell. They have hands, but cannot feel, feet, but cannot walk, nor can they utter a sound with their throats. Those who make them will be like them, and so will all who trust in them. All you Israelites, trust in the Lord— he is their help and shield. House of Aaron, trust in the Lord— he is their help and shield. You who fear him, trust in the Lord— he is their help and shield. The Lord remembers us and will bless us: He will bless his people Israel, he will bless the house of Aaron, he will bless those who fear the Lord— small and great alike. May the Lord cause you to flourish, both you and your children. May you be blessed by the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth. The highest heavens belong to the Lord, but the earth he has given to mankind. It is not the dead who praise the Lord, those who go down to the place of silence; it is we who extol the Lord, both now and forevermore. Praise the Lord.”
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭115‬:‭1‬-‭18‬ ‭NIV‬‬
https://bible.com/bible/111/psa.115.1-18.NIV

Love the Lord who praises. Great thoughts of Gary Chapman. Use the talents the Lord gave you and bless others with your actions in how you serve the Lord.

Some parents have forgotten how to be confident in a fallen world. Parenting has changed just as our world has changed. As our children grow, we must adapt and tweak our parenting style. Finding the right balance is next to impossible. And any balance found is likely to be upset as our children move into yet another stage of development.

Most of us are well aware of the mistakes we’ve made as parents. Yet, we don’t have to be defined by those mistakes. We can use them as educational tools to help us make the necessary changes for the future. As our children mature, so should we.

Because we’re human, we’ll never be perfect parents. But we serve a perfect God with a deep interest in our children. His Word can inspire, comfort, and empower us to parent.

Take time to pray and thank God for blessing you with your children. Talk to Him about your parenting challenges and disappointments. Ask Him to bless your efforts to raise children who will bring Him honor and glory.

When you make time to discuss or reflect on these questions together:

How did you picture yourself as a parent before you had kids?

What has surprised you most about parenting?

What do you want your parenting legacy to be?

Consider these passages for further study on parenting.

Psalm 138:8 The Lord will vindicate me;
    your love, Lord, endures forever—
    do not abandon the works of your hands.

Isaiah 44:3-5 For I will pour water on the thirsty land,
    and streams on the dry ground;
I will pour out my Spirit on your offspring,
    and my blessing on your descendants.
⁴ They will spring up like grass in a meadow,
    like poplar trees by flowing streams.
⁵ Some will say, ‘I belong to the Lord’;
    others will call themselves by the name of Jacob;
still others will write on their hand, ‘The Lord’s,’
    and will take the name Israel.

Jeremiah 31:17 So there is hope for your descendants,”
declares the Lord.
    “Your children will return to their own land.

Psalm 112:1-10 Praise the Lord.^[b]

Blessed are those who fear the Lord,
    who find great delight in his commands.

² Their children will be mighty in the land;
    the generation of the upright will be blessed.
³ Wealth and riches are in their houses,
    and their righteousness endures forever.
⁴ Even in darkness light dawns for the upright,
    for those who are gracious and compassionate and righteous.
⁵ Good will come to those who are generous and lend freely,
    who conduct their affairs with justice.

⁶ Surely the righteous will never be shaken;
    they will be remembered forever.
⁷ They will have no fear of bad news;
    their hearts are steadfast, trusting in the Lord.
⁸ Their hearts are secure, they will have no fear;
    in the end they will look in triumph on their foes.
⁹ They have freely scattered their gifts to the poor,
    their righteousness endures forever;
    their horn^[c] will be lifted high in honor.

¹⁰ The wicked will see and be vexed,
    they will gnash their teeth and waste away;
    the longings of the wicked will come to nothing.

Great thoughts of Gary Chapman. Finding the strengths helps focus on seeing more ways to thrive. It can also show where we lean on others with our weaknesses. It takes a village to bring up a child.

Once the experience of falling in love has run its natural course, couples return to the world of reality and begin to assert themselves.

Some couples believe that the end of the in-love experience means they must either resign themselves to a life of misery with their spouse or jump ship and try again. But there is a better alternative: we can recognize the in-love experience for what it was – a temporary emotional high – and pursue “real love” with our spouses.

That kind of love involves an act of the will and requires discipline. Our most basic emotional need is not to fall in love but to be genuinely loved by another, to know a love that grows out of reason and choice, not instinct. We need to be loved by someone who chooses to love us, who sees in us something worth loving.

Take some time to pray individually or as a couple. Talk to God about the state of your marriage. Share your thoughts and concerns about the end of your in-love experience with Him. Ask Him to help you choose to love your spouse.

If you have more time, discuss together or reflect on these questions:

What percentage of couples would avoid marriage if they knew how difficult it can be? Explain.

Where are you and your spouse on the “in love” timeline? How do you feel about that?

Give an example of how you choose to love your spouse.

Consider these passages for further study on Love:

Proverbs 10:12 Hatred stirs up conflict,
    but love covers over all wrongs.

Proverbs 17:17 A friend loves at all times,
    and a brother is born for a time of adversity.

I Corinthians 13:4-8 ⁴ Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

⁸ Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.

Psalm 103:1-5 Praise the Lord, my soul;
    all my inmost being, praise his holy name.
2 Praise the Lord, my soul,
    and forget not all his benefits—
3 who forgives all your sins
    and heals all your diseases,
4 who redeems your life from the pit
    and crowns you with love and compassion,
5 Who satisfies your desires with good things
    so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.

This helps you analyze the good, the bad, and the ugly part of love in your relationship. Know what holds you together and will stand fast for the better. Evaluate what you always need to do to make it better.

The realization that we are God’s children now and forever should motivate us to praise Him. If your primary love language is words of affirmation, expressing verbal praise to God will be easy. However, it’s also easy to use standard words and phrases expressed at regular times and places. If this happens, even your praise, which starts out as authentic, can become a mere ritual. Thus, you enhance your love relationship with God when you think creatively about places and ways to express praise to Him.

If you worship with your spouse, you can encourage each other to be creative and original in your praise. In the process, you’ll create a spiritual bond that can last a lifetime.

Take some time to pray individually or as a couple. Make it a time of worship to praise God for His creation, love for you, and goodness to your family.

If you have more time, discuss together or reflect on these questions:

What standard words and phrases do you hear in praise and worship settings?

Which words do you use most often when praising God?

What is the ideal setting for praising and worshipping God? Why?

Consider these passages for further study on Praise and Worship.

Psalm 71:22-24

I will praise you with the harp
    for your faithfulness, my God;
I will sing praise to you with the lyre,
    Holy One of Israel.
²³ My lips will shout for joy
    when I sing praise to you—
    I whom you have delivered.
²⁴ My tongue will tell of your righteous acts
    all day long,
for those who wanted to harm me
    have been put to shame and confusion.

Romans 14:11 It is written:

“‘As surely as I live,’ says the Lord,
‘every knee will bow before me;
    every tongue will acknowledge God.’”^[a]

Phillippians 2:9-11

Therefore, God exalted him to the highest place
    and gave him the name that is above every name,
¹⁰ that at the name of Jesus, every knee should bow,
    in heaven and on earth and under the earth,
¹¹ and every tongue acknowledges that Jesus Christ is Lord,
    to the glory of God the Father.

Psalm 95:1-7

Come, let us sing for joy to the Lord;
    let us shout aloud to the Rock of our salvation.
² Let us come before him with thanksgiving
    and extol him with music and song.

³ For the Lord is the great God,
    the great King above all gods.
⁴ In his hand are the depths of the earth,
    and the mountain peaks belong to him.
⁵ The sea is his, for he made it,
    and his hands formed the dry land.

⁶ Come, let us bow down in worship,
    let us kneel before the Lord, our Maker;
⁷ for he is our God
    and we are the people of his pasture,
    the flock under his care.

Today, if only you would hear his voice,

When you think of ways to praise the Lord best, you think of ways to share your love. Be aware of your love language and use your abilities and talents to praise the Lord. Everyone shows it differently and shouldn’t be judged by a right or wrong method. Give it your best.

Since we are most sensitive to the discipline that relates directly to our primary love language, God often chooses that language to bring us to a place of growth. For example, for those of us who respond best to words of affirmation, the heavens become silent. Work colleagues begin to deliver messages of condemnation. Spouses and children become critical. With empty hearts, we cry out to God in desperation and begin our journey homeward.

God knows us better than we know ourselves. He knows how to get our attention. His discipline is not always pleasant, but it is always purposeful. Can the same be said of the discipline in your home?

Take some time to pray and ask the Lord to help you:

Respond appropriately to His discipline.

Mete out your own discipline in a way that honors Him.

Help your kids (or the object of your discipline) recognize the loving concern behind your discipline.

If you have more time, discuss together or reflect on these questions:

When it comes to discipline, are you more likely to err on the side of harshness or leniency?

What signals do you send when you discipline in your family?

What can you do to make your discipline more like God’s?

Consider these passages for further study on Discipline:

Proverbs 3:11-12 My son, do not despise the Lord’s discipline,
    and do not resent his rebuke,
¹² because the Lord disciplines those he loves,
    as a father the son he delights in.^[a]

Proverbs 6:20-23 My son, keep your father’s command
    and do not forsake your mother’s teaching.
²¹ Bind them always on your heart;
    fasten them around your neck.
²² When you walk, they will guide you;
    when you sleep, they will watch over you;
    when you awake, they will speak to you.
²³ For this command is a lamp,
    this teaching is a light,
and correction and instruction
    are the way to life,

Proverbs 15:5 A fool spurns a parent’s discipline,
    but whoever heeds correction shows prudence.

Psalm 94:1-23 The Lord is a God who avenges.
    O God who avenges, shine forth.
² Rise up, Judge of the earth;
    pay back to the proud what they deserve.
³ How long, Lord, will the wicked,
    how long will the wicked be jubilant?

⁴ They pour out arrogant words;
    all the evildoers are full of boasting.
⁵ They crush your people, Lord;
    they oppress your inheritance.
⁶ They slay the widow and the foreigner;
    they murder the fatherless.
⁷ They say, “The Lord does not see;
    the God of Jacob takes no notice.”

⁸ Take notice, you senseless ones among the people;
    you fools, when will you become wise?
⁹ Does he who fashioned the ear not hear?
    Does he who formed the eye not see?
¹⁰ Does he who disciplines nations not punish?
    Does he who teaches mankind lack knowledge?
¹¹ The Lord knows all human plans;
    he knows that they are futile.

¹² Blessed is the one you discipline, Lord,
    the one you teach from your law;
¹³ you grant them relief from days of trouble,
    till a pit is dug for the wicked.
¹⁴ For the Lord will not reject his people;
    he will never forsake his inheritance.
¹⁵ Judgment will again be founded on righteousness,
    and all the upright in heart will follow it.

¹⁶ Who will rise up for me against the wicked?
    Who will take a stand for me against evildoers?
¹⁷ Unless the Lord had given me help,
    I would soon have dwelt in the silence of death.
¹⁸ When I said, “My foot is slipping,”
    your unfailing love, Lord, supported me.
¹⁹ When anxiety was great within me,
    your consolation brought me joy.

²⁰ Can a corrupt throne be allied with you—
    a throne that brings on misery by its decrees?
²¹ The wicked band together against the righteous
    and condemn the innocent to death.
²² But the Lord has become my fortress,
    and my God the rock in whom I take refuge.
²³ He will repay them for their sins
    and destroy them for their wickedness;
    the Lord our God will destroy them.

When spouses neglect their own love relationship, either intentionally or unintentionally, they do so to the detriment of their children. Research clearly shows that the effect of divorce on a child is devastating. Divorces normally do not occur on the spur of the moment. They are preceded by months and sometimes years of neglecting the marital relationship. Therefore, for the conscientious parent, there is nothing more important than rekindling or keeping alive an intimate relationship with his or her spouse. The antidote to divorce is to stop the process of drifting apart. Choose to paddle your canoes toward each other rather than away from each other. Commit yourselves to your relationship and your family. Make your marriage a priority. You will please yourselves, your children, and God.

Take some time to pray individually or as a couple. As you pray, Thank God for the relationship with your spouse that He has blessed you with. Ask God to help you identify the times you have failed to paddle toward each other. Ask Him to help you and your spouse learn to move toward each other in all circumstances.

If you have more time, discuss together or reflect on these questions:

Describe the effects of divorce on a child, whether from your own experience or from stories you’ve heard from friends or loved ones.

What would your spouse say about the priority you place on your marriage?

How might you and your spouse “paddle your canoes toward each other”?

Consider these passages for further study on Intimacy:

Psalm 63:1-11

You, God, are my God,
    earnestly I seek you;
I thirst for you,
    my whole being longs for you,
in a dry and parched land
    where there is no water.

² I have seen you in the sanctuary
    and beheld your power and your glory.
³ Because your love is better than life,
    my lips will glorify you.
⁴ I will praise you as long as I live,
    and in your name I will lift up my hands.
⁵ I will be fully satisfied as with the richest of foods;
    with singing lips my mouth will praise you.

⁶ On my bed I remember you;
    I think of you through the watches of the night.
⁷ Because you are my help,
    I sing in the shadow of your wings.
⁸ I cling to you;
    your right hand upholds me.

⁹ Those who want to kill me will be destroyed;
    they will go down to the depths of the earth.
¹⁰ They will be given over to the sword
    and become food for jackals.

¹¹ But the king will rejoice in God;
    all who swear by God will glory in him,
    while the mouths of liars will be silenced.

I Corinthians 10:31 So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.

James 4:8 Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded.

Psalm 89:1-2 I will sing of the Lord’s great love forever;
    with my mouth I will make your faithfulness known
    through all generations.
² I will declare that your love stands firm forever,
    that you have established your faithfulness in heaven itself.

Great thoughts from Gary Chapman. Knowing each other’s love language helps to keep it top of mind when keeping your loved ones happy in your circle. Seeing other’s points of view and the consequences of each decision enables you to slow down and ensure you are making the right decision. Make time for the important things, and it will show.

Could it be that deep inside hurting couples exists an invisible “emotional love tank” with its gauge on empty? Could the misbehavior, withdrawal, harsh words, and critical spirit occur because of that empty tank? If we could find a way to fill it, could the marriage be reborn? With a full tank, would couples be able to create an emotional climate where it is possible to discuss differences and resolve conflicts? Could that tank be the key that makes marriage work?

Keeping the emotional love tank full is as important to a marriage as maintaining the proper oil level is to an automobile. Running your marriage on an empty ‘love tank’ may cost you even more than trying to drive your car without oil. Understanding that can save a shaky marriage and enhance the emotional climate of a good marriage.

Learning to speak the primary love language of your spouse may radically affect his or her behavior. People behave differently when their emotional love tanks are full.

Take some time to pray individually or as a couple. As you pray…

Thank God for creating you with the capacity to love and be loved;

Share your feelings about the way your emotional needs have (or haven’t) been met;

Ask Him to bless your efforts to keep your spouse’s love tank full.

If you have more time…

Discuss together or reflect on these questions:

Describe what it’s like to have your love tank empty.

Describe what it’s like to have your love tank full.

What changes might you see in your spouse if his or her love tank were full?

Consider these passages for further study on Meeting Needs.

Philippians 2:4 says not to look to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.

Hebrews 13:16 And do not forget to do good and to share with others, for with such sacrifices God is pleased.

I John 3:17  If anyone has material possessions and sees a brother or sister in need but has no pity on them, how can the love of God be in that person?

Psalm 85:10 Love and faithfulness meet together;
    righteousness and peace kiss each other.

Be a blessing to those around you. Hold on to those memories. Evaluate yourself and how you can be the best to the Lord.