This verse drives home the importance of marrying the right person. The key to avoiding the kind of relationship described in the verse is found a few verses earlier. Proverbs 25:11 extols the virtues of timely advice.

Timely advice is lovely, like golden apples in a silver basket.

All relationships involve change. Making change happen, though, is a delicate process. When you get ready to request a change from your loved one, it is extremely important that you choose your time and place and be sensitive to your spouse’s emotional state. The time should be after a meal, never before a meal. When we are hungry, we are irritable – and when we are irritable, it is difficult to take suggestions.

The place to make your request should always be in private, never in public. When you mention something in front of other people that you wish your loved one would change, it is a put-down, even if you couch it with humor. “My wife is not exactly a gourmet cook. Her specialty is hard-cooked, soft-boiled eggs.” Everyone in the group may laugh, but your wife gets the barb. Put-downs only stimulate resentment and revenge. If you want your spouse to accept your request, make it in private.

Take time to pray by yourself or others. Praise God for giving you your spouse as a partner for life. Ask Him to give you your spouse the wisdom, sensitivity, and good timing to talk about changes in a nonthreatening way.

Take time to reflect on these questions:

Have you ever tried to change someone who didn’t want to change? If so, what happened?

How often are the words “I was only joking” used in your relationship? How do you feel about that phrase?

Describe the ideal circumstances for you and your spouse to talk seriously about change.

Consider these passages for further study on change:

Romans 12:2 Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.

2 Corinthians 5:17 This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!

James 1:17 Whatever is good and perfect comes down to us from God our Father, who created or casts a shifting shadow.

Communicating is huge when you are working on change. Know what others want and what is comfortable to know what will be the hard part in making a change. When starting a change, it takes bravery to start it. Start with recognizing and sharing what you are grateful for before going through change and then manifest a statement of what you will be grateful for once you made the change.

Great thoughts of Gary Chapman to challenge you when you need to make change.

The tongue of the wise makes knowledge appealing, but the mouth of a fool belches out foolishness.

Taking to heart the words of Proverbs 15:1-2 could make a big difference in your relationship. Love is a choice and cannot be coerced- but it can be put off by ill-chosen words.

Criticism and demands tend to drive wedges. With enough criticism, you may get acquiescence from your spouse. He or she may do what you want, but it will probably not be an expression of love. You can give guidance to love by making requests: “I cannot create the will to love. Each of us must decide daily to love or not to love our spouses.

People tend to criticize most loudly in the area where they themselves have the deepest emotional need. Their criticism is an ineffective way of pleading for love. If we understand way of pleading for love. If we understand that, it may help us process their criticism in a more productive manner. After we receive criticism from a loved one, it might be helpful to respond in this way: “It sounds like that’s extremely important to you. Could you explain why it’s so crucial?” Initially such a conversation may eventually turn the criticism into a request rather than a demand.

Take time to pray individually or together with others to talk to God about the way you and your loved one use criticism in your relationship. Ask Him to help you understand how to use the love language your responds to best.

Take time to discuss together or reflect on these questions:

Describe a time when a criticism or demand drove a wedge in your relationship.

What did you learn from that experience?

What will you do the next time your spouse confronts you about a criticism that stung him or her?

Consider these passages for further study on Criticism:

Zechariah 8:16 But this is what you must do: Tell the truth to each other. Render verdicts in your courts that are just and that lead to peace.

I John 3:18

Dear children, let’s not merely say that we love each other; let us show the truth by our actions.

Being strong in who and what we believe in. I always listen to see why they are critical to see if it’s a lesson to learn. In the matter of beliefs and values, pray to the Lord to keep your heart in the right direction.

Great thoughts of Gary Chapman. Keep your relationship with the Lord a priority.

Worry weighs a person down: an encouraging word cheers a person up.

Mark Twain once said, “I can live for two months on a good compliment.” If we take Twain literally, six compliments a year would have kept his emotional love tank at the operational level. Your spouse will probably need more.

One way to express love emotionally is to use words that build up. Many couples have never learned the tremendous power of verbally affirming each other. Solomon noted, “Worry weighs a person; an encouraging word cheers a person up”

(Proverbs 12:25)

Verbal compliments, or words of appreciation, are powerful communicators of love. They are best expressed in simple, straightforward statements of affirmation, such as:

“You look sharp in that suit.”

“Do you ever look hot in that dress! Wow!”

“I really like how you’re always on time to pick me up at work.”

“Thanks for getting the babysitter lined up tonight. I want you to know I don’t take that for granted.”

“I love how you are so responsible. I feel like I can count on you.”

What would happen to the emotional climate of your marriage if you heard such words of affirmation regularly? Look for ways to bring more words of affirmation into your marriage today.

Take time to pray and thank God for giving you the ability to make people feel better about themselves. Ask Him to help you become a person who fills other people’s emotional tanks with words of affirmation.

Take time to discuss together or reflect on these things;

What’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to you?

Why did it mean so much to you?

How can you tell when a compliment is sincere?

What specific steps can you take to make your home a place where words of affirmation flow freely?

Consider these passages for further study on affirmation:

1 Corinthians 1:4

I always thank my God for you and for the gracious gifts he has given you, now that you belong to Christ Jesus.

Philippians 1:3

Every time I think of you, I give thanks to my God.

Philippians 4:8

And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.

Great thoughts of Gary Chapman. When we lift others up, remember how you can continually lift up the Lord.

Keeps us in check of our priorities.

My advice is wholesome. There is nothing devious or crooked in it. My words are plain to anyone with understanding, clear to those with knowledge. Choose my instruction rather than silver, and knowledge rather than pure gold. For wisdom is far more valuable than rubies. Nothing you desire can compare with it.

I, wisdom, live together with good judgment. I know where to discover knowledge and discernment.

All who fear the Lord will hate evil. Therefore, I hate pride and arrogance, corruption and perverse speech.

In verse 13, the Lord instructs us to hate “perverse speech,” which would seem to encompass a variety of verbal offenses. Yet any list of perverted forms of speech must include gossip near the very top. If you have ever been the subject of a virulent strain of gossip, you understand all too well the truth of another proverb: “The tongue can bring death or life” (Proverbs 18-21).

Gossip has the power to destroy lives, even if it is based on truth. The Bible is very specific in its instructions for dealing with others. First Corinthians 13 – with its command to be kind, patient, forgiving, courteous, humble, and generous – sets the gold standard. Gossip runs contrary to every one of those attitudes.

Gossip can also destroy our Christian witness. How can we traffic in perverse speech and still claim to have the love of Christ in us? More to the point, how can we claim to love others while we destroy them with our tongues?

If we ask Him to, God will help us recognize our hurtful speech habits, including gossip. He will help us learn to love others as He loves them and demonstrate that love in the way we speak.

Take time to pray and:

Confess any gossip you’ve been guilty of speaking.

Commit to making your home a gossip-free zone.

Take time to discuss together or reflect on these questions:

When have you or your family been personally affected by gossip? How did you deal with it?

Are the two of you more likely to encourage each other to gossip or to use loving words? Give some examples.

What specific steps can you take to make your home a gossip-free zone?

Consider these passages for further study on Gossip:

Proverbs 11:9 With their words, the godless destroy their friends, but knowledge will rescue the righteous.

Proverbs 16:27 Scoundrels create trouble; their words are a destructive blaze.

Proverbs 18:8 Rumors are dainty morsels that sink deep into one’s heart.

Keep what you observe and directly approach the person with your issue. If you need help or advice on how to approach someone, don’t use it as gossip; instead, figure out ways to be in control of the issue.

Great guidance of Gary Chapman.

The passage from Proverbs 4:25-27 shows King Solomon’s advice for meeting goals. Essentially, it comes down to knowing where you’re going, setting a straight path to get there, and not getting sidetracked. That’s the approach we need to take if we’re going to meet our goals for marriage.

How do we make time? By eliminating some of the good things, we are doing so that we will have time for the best. Life’s meaning is not found in money, sports, shopping, academic success, or career achievement, as good as some of those things are. It is found in relationships – first with God, and then with people. If you are married, nothing is more important than your marital relationship. It is the framework in which God wants you to invest your life and experience His love. The husband is told to “love” his wife, and she is instructed to “honor” him. How better to love and honor each other than to make time for each other?

Take time to pray, asking God to help you identify what needs to be done in your schedule to improve your relationships. Ask for His help in determining what is good busyness and what is a distraction from other things you might be doing.

Discus or reflect on these questions:

What events exist in your schedule that could be dropped without consequence?

What regular chore could you begin to do together (or occasionally skip) to allow more time together?

Consider these passages for further study on Time:

Psalm 90:12 Teach us to number our days,
    that we may gain a heart of wisdom.

Luke 14:28 Suppose one of you wants to build a tower. Won’t you first sit down and estimate the cost to see if you have enough money to complete it?

Ephesians 5:15-17  Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, ¹⁶ making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. ¹⁷ Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is.

Proverbs 4:25-27 Let your eyes look straight ahead;
    fix your gaze directly before you.
²⁶ Give careful thought to the^[a] paths for your feet
    and be steadfast in all your ways.
²⁷ Do not turn to the right or the left;
    keep your foot from evil.

Great thoughts of Gary Chapman. One is to make you think of more ways to spend time with your loved ones and make it meaningful. Share in the comments one you remember or would like to plan.

Your prayer might go something like this: “Lord, what is wrong with me? Where am I failing my spouse? What am I doing and saving that I shouldn’t? What am I failing to do or say that I should? Please show me my failures.” This simple prayer (or one like it) has been prayed and answered for thousands of years. Take a look at King David’s prayer, from about 1000 BC: “Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life” (Psalm 139:23-24) You can be certain that when you pray a prayer like this, God will answer.

Be prepared to make a list of the things He brings to your mind. These may not be major moral failures but could be words and actions that have not been loving and kind. Once you have them written down, you can start planning how to address them.

Take some time to pray individually or as a couple. Ask God to help you…

Recognize the things you’re doing right as a spouse.

Understand the impact your failures have had on your family.

Address the problem areas on your list in a way that honors Him and brings closeness to your family.

When you take time to discuss, reflect on these questions:

When you want an honest opinion about yourself or something you’ve done, who do you turn to? Why?

If you named your spouse in response to the previous question, how do you react to his or her honest assessments? If you didn’t mention your spouse, explain why.

When you examine your own parenting skills, are you more likely to see them in a positive or negative light? Why?

Consider these passages for further study on self-examination:

Psalm 51:1-19 For the director of music. A psalm of David. When the prophet Nathan came to him after David had committed adultery with Bathsheba.

¹ Have mercy on me, O God,
    according to your unfailing love;
according to your great compassion
    blot out my transgressions.
² Wash away all my iniquity
    and cleanse me from my sin.

³ For I know my transgressions,
    and my sin is always before me.
⁴ Against you, you only, have I sinned
    and done what is evil in your sight;
so you are right in your verdict
    and justified when you judge.
⁵ Surely I was sinful at birth,
    sinful from the time my mother conceived me.
⁶ Yet you desired faithfulness even in the womb;
    you taught me wisdom in that secret place.

⁷ Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean;
    wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.
⁸ Let me hear joy and gladness;
    let the bones you have crushed rejoice.
⁹ Hide your face from my sins
    and blot out all my iniquity.

¹⁰ Create in me a pure heart, O God,
    and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
¹¹ Do not cast me from your presence
    or take your Holy Spirit from me.
¹² Restore to me the joy of your salvation
    and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.

¹³ Then I will teach transgressors your ways,
    so that sinners will turn back to you.
¹⁴ Deliver me from the guilt of bloodshed, O God,
    you who are God my Savior,
    and my tongue will sing of your righteousness.
¹⁵ Open my lips, Lord,
    and my mouth will declare your praise.
¹⁶ You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it;
    you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings.
¹⁷ My sacrifice, O God, is^[b] a broken spirit;
    a broken and contrite heart
    you, God, will not despise.

¹⁸ May it please you to prosper Zion,
    to build up the walls of Jerusalem.
¹⁹ Then you will delight in the sacrifices of the righteous,
    in burnt offerings offered whole;
    then bulls will be offered on your altar.

2 Corinthians 13:5 Examine yourselves to see whether you are in the faith; test yourselves. Do you not realize that Christ Jesus is in you—unless, of course, you fail the test?

Galatians 5:22-23 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, ²³ gentleness and self-control. Against such things, there is no law.

Great thoughts of Gary Chapman. Keep your strong relationships with others to make yourself even stronger.

In Psalm 135, David praised God for His past blessings. As we praise God for what He has done in the past, we come to thank God that He will be faithful to us in the future. We may sing of our problems, but the heart of our music will be praise to God for who He is and what He is doing in our lives.

Our present circumstances do not hinder our relationships with God; instead, our circumstances may push us to God. You may not be inclined to sing. You may never have sung in your life, but as a Christian, you can sing – if only in private or with your spouse. Try this: choose a psalm to God. Melody, pitch, and rhythm are unimportant. What’s important is that you are expressing praise to God through the words of others who have walked through difficulty.

Take time to pray. If you’re comfortable with the idea, sing your praises instead of speaking them. Choose a favorite hymn or praise song, one that communicates what you are feeling, to use as your prayer to God. You might even consider singing together.

Take time to reflect on these questions:

What are your favorite praise songs?

Why do those particular songs appeal to you?

How often do you sing praise songs when you’re alone?

What would the reaction be if you tried to get your spouse and family to sing with you?

Consider these passages for further study on Worship:

1 Chronicles 16:8-13

Give thanks to the Lord and proclaim his greatness. Let the whole world know what he has done.

Sing to him; yes, sing his praises. Tell everyone about his wonderful deeds.

Exult in his holy name; rejoice, you who worship the Lord.

Search for the Lord and for his strength; continually seek him.

Remember the wonders he has performed, his miracles, and the rulings he has given, you descendants of Jacob, his chosen ones.

Psalm 68:4 Sing praises to God and to his name! Sing loud praises to him who rides the clouds. His name is the Lord- rejoice in his presence!

Ephesians 5:19 singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs among yourselves, and making music to the Lord in your hearts.

Psalm 135:1-21 Praise the Lord!

Praise the name of the Lord! Praise him, you who serve the Lord, in the courts of the house of our God.

Praise the Lord, for the Lord is good; celebrate his lovely name with music.

For the Lord has chosen Jacob for himself, Israel for his own special treasure.

I know the greatness of the Lord – that our Lord is greater than any other god.

The Lord does whatever pleases him throughout all heaven and earth, and on the seas in their depths.

He causes the clouds to rise over the whole earth. He sends the lightning with the rain and releases the wind from his storehouses.

He destroyed the firstborn in each Egyptian home, both people and animals.

He performed miraculous signs and wonders in Egypt against Pharaoh and all his people.

He struck down great nations and slaughtered mighty kings-

Sihon king of the Amorites, Og king of Bashan, and all the kings of Canaan.

He gave their land as an inheritance, a special possession to his people Israel.

Your name, O Lord, endures forever; your fame, O Lord, is known to every generation.

For the Lord will give justice to his people and have compassion on his servants.

The idols of the nations are merely things of silver and gold, shaped by human hands.

They have mouths but cannot speak, and eyes but cannot smell.

And those who make idols are just like them, as are all who trust in them.

O Israel, praise the Lord! O priest – descendants of Aaron – praise the Lord!

O Levites, praise the Lord! All you who fear the Lord, praise the Lord!

The Lord be praised from Zion, for he lives here in Jerusalem.

Praise the Lord!

Noticing how we take our lives to worship and respect the Lord as we go about our daily lives. Sing more, pray more, talk about the Lord more… we find more opportunities to share our heart for the Lord.

Great thoughts of Gary Chapman.

Whether you have children already or are considering having children in the future, it would be worth your while to make a list of “requirements” for being a good parent. Don’t let the word requirement put pressure or guilt on you as a caring parent. These “requirements” should help you feel good about your authority and role as a parent. Relax and really enjoy your children.

When you’re a fledgling parent, you may find yourself feeling insecure in your parenting. But once you understand what a child needs, you’ll find that it’s not that difficult to meet those “requirements.” The best news is that almost any caring parent is able to do this.

When you see that you are meeting those requirements, you can be assured that your child is receiving good parenting, and you can relax and enjoy your child. You will soon find that you are a better parent than you ever thought you could be.

Take time to pray and present your list of requirements to the Lord. Share any doubts or insecurities you may have about parenting. Ask Him to work in you so that you can become the parents your children need.

Take time to reflect on these questions:

How much pressure do you feel to be good parents?

Where does that pressure come from?

What evidence do you rely on in determining whether someone is a good parent or not?

Consider these passages for further study on parenting:

Deuteronomy 11:18-21 So commit yourself wholeheartedly to these words of mine. Tie them to your hands and wear them on your forehead as reminders. Teach them to your children. Talk about them when you are at home and when you are on the road, when you are going to bed and when you are getting up. Write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates, so that as long as the sky remains above the earth, you and your children may flourish in the land the Lord swore to give your ancestors.

Proverbs 19:18 Discipline your children while there is hope. Otherwise you will ruin their lives.

Proverbs 29:17 Discipline your children, and they will give you peace of mind and will make your heart glad.

Great thoughts of Gary Chapman.

The best thing we can do to our children is to be an example. Make sure they know we love them and do the best for them. It frustrates me when I see that some parent make decisions to make them look good and not putting or being aware that they are listening and putting their children first. The best interest for their children is put aside.

For some people, that kind of guidance seems to come naturally. For others, though, it takes a lot of practice – and usually a lot of trial and error. Where do the two of you fit on the continuum? What kind of teachers are you where your children are concerned?

Here’s a more sobering question: What if your children turn out to be just like you? Would you be concerned? If so, what steps do you need to take? What do you need to change in your parenting? Why not begin that change today?

God is available to help. He has loaded His Word with principles to guild you. He’s also surrounded you with friends, family, and fellow believers to assist you.

Tak time to pray and identify areas of your life in which you’ve failed to reach your potential. Confess any wrong attitudes or actions that have caused you to fail. Ask the Lord to give you the wisdom and courage to change those areas so that you may be a role model to your children.

Discuss and reflect on these questions:

Who do you look to as parenting role models – or simply as good parents?

How is your parenting style similar to theirs? How is it different?

How do the two of you complement each other as parents? In what areas are you both lacking?

Consider these passages for further study on parenting:

Deuteronomy 6:4-9 Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one.^[a] 5 Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. ⁶ These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. ⁷ Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. ⁸ Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. ⁹ Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.

Proverbs 1:8-9 Listen, my son, to your father’s instruction
    and do not forsake your mother’s teaching.
⁹ They are a garland to grace your head
    and a chain to adorn your neck.

Ephesians 6:1-4 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. ² “Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise— ³ “so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.”^[a]

⁴ Fathers,^[b] do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.

Psalm 124:1-8 If the Lord had not been on our side—
    let Israel say—
² if the Lord had not been on our side
    when people attacked us,
³ they would have swallowed us alive
    when their anger flared against us;
⁴ the flood would have engulfed us,
    the torrent would have swept over us,
⁵ the raging waters
    would have swept us away.

⁶ Praise be to the Lord,
    who has not let us be torn by their teeth.
⁷ We have escaped like a bird
    from the fowler’s snare;
the snare has been broken,
    and we have escaped.
⁸ Our help is in the name of the Lord,
    the Maker of heaven and earth.

Great devotional to evaluate of Gary Chapman.

Looking for examples of other great families and what they do to create valuable relationships helps understand actions to apply. Share what has helped you.

Would you like to change? You can! Repeat this Scripture aloud every morning: “This is the day the Lord has made. We will rejoice and be glad in it” (Psalm 118:24). If you proclaim this truth to yourself, you will begin to see God’s hand. And your relationships will improve.

Take time to pray, and in your prayer…

Take the words of Psalm 118:24 to heart. Rejoice in the day the Lord has given you;

Tell Him what you appreciate about it and why;

Show Him your thankfulness in no uncertain terms.

When you make time to discuss or reflect on these questions:

How would you describe your own outlook on life? Would your spouse agree?

How would you describe your spouse’s outlook on life? Would he or she agree?

How does your attitude affect the people around you?

Consider these passages for further study on rejoicing:

Psalm 5:11-12 But let all who take refuge in you be glad;
    let them ever sing for joy.
Spread your protection over them,
    that those who love your name may rejoice in you.

¹² Surely, Lord, you bless the righteous;
    you surround them with your favor as with a shield

Psalm 28:6-7 Praise be to the Lord,
    for he has heard my cry for mercy.
⁷ The Lord is my strength and my shield;
    my heart trusts in him, and he helps me.
My heart leaps for joy,
    and with my song I praise him.

Phillippians 4:4  Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!

It’s easier to control when you become more aware of your thoughts and language. Sometimes, others will make you aware. So, it’s great to catch it now and have a mindset of rejoicing in the Lord first. Rejoice and be grateful when you wake up and before you go to sleep. Great thoughts from Gary Chapman to help us know our priorities and focus first on the Lord.